The end of the year is kind of a natural reflecting time, though I could do without all the fanfare and pressure that comes with it. Needless to say, 2022 has been another year of change, of transformation.
There’s the obvious (but wish it were behind us)—COVID. We enjoyed a blissfully ignorant holiday season in 2019, with nary a clue that the world as we know it was going to change for the long term—for better and for worse. Since then, life has been an absolute rollercoaster, a ride that ignores dates and commitments and seemingly much of what we care about—this virus is in charge and it’s not afraid to remind us at any turn of who’s the boss. (Spoiler alert: not us! But I believe overall The Universe > COVID!) Since COVID made the scene, my idea of “control” certainly has changed. I feel like life is full of more uncertainty than I’d ever realized. I’m still not sure what it all means, though I am managing my life differently. Adapting. Finding new sources of fun as I continue my search for the Fountain of Youth.
(Also, I feel like I owe you this update since I mentioned it last week. As of yesterday, one of us (not I) was *still* testing positive for COVID (Day 10, WTF?) and I am still on high-alert and (successfully 🤞🏼🤞🏼) in self-protection mode.)
The older I get, I try hard to avoid looking in life’s rearview. I try harder to worry less about an imagined and presupposed (bleak) future. And I try hardest to be in the present moment.
This past weekend, I was in several present moments with both of my nephews and 2 of my 3 nieces. I appreciate them differently as they’ve become/are becoming full-on adults (the oldest is 24 and the youngest almost 17). I think a lot about the relationships I have with each of them, relationships similar in many ways and different in so many others. I think about the deep and profound influence they continue to have on me…and more and more I wonder (worry?) whether I’ve had the slightest (good) influence on them.
Earlier last week I got a single (unsolicited) indication from one of them. She had been doing a semester overseas and was on her last getaway before coming home (which was this past Saturday—so great to see her!) when she sent me a text—a picture of a utility box or some other such metal street fixture that had been vandalized (not graffiti—graffiti is too fancy of a label for what was in the pic!) with a note, “Saw this and thought of you”.
I zoomed in, quickly. Surely there’s more to it than a vandalized metal box that’s triggering memories of her aunt…and then I saw it.
(Bears noting that while the quality of the vandalism is lacking, the proper use of “it’s” warmed my heart.)
Our exchange ended thusly:
We each went back to our regularly scheduled programming, though I did so with some added pep in my step knowing that I had at least a little positive familial influence, that I’m having an impact on what I like to call “the next greatest generation”. In them I will leave a (little) bit of a legacy and there’s comfort in that. It’s hard to articulate why that’s so important to me, but it is. And if I have to find my joy in a seemingly hastily and sloppily vandalized by a would-be philosopher utility box somewhere in Copenhagen, then so be it.
I’ll take whatever I can get, whenever I can get it. (Small joys! In the moment!)
Thursday I’ll be influencing my second-born (23 y.o.) nephew in an entirely different way—he’s coming over to make eggnog with me, using the recipe that’s been handed down for generations on his dad’s side of the family. “Our” side of the family was never a big eggnog bunch, but I’ve always been a bit of an outlier so it makes sense that I’m the one who has co-opted their recipe. Plus, family tradition! Anyhow he’s coming over so we can make “Oakie’s Eggnog” together, though only a half batch—“because to be honest I don’t even know if I like eggnog,” he said. But I love that he’s all in nonetheless and I think it will be so much fun! Family cookie-baking traditions be damned. We two are all about the rum, bourbon, and brandy! (I jest. There’s another family group making cookies on Wednesday.)
Sticking with personal stuff, my professional transformation continues to be top of mind (and high stress/anxiety) though I have decided that I’m (temporarily, and maybe it’ll simmer the longer-term symptoms) pressing the pause button on the emotional mess that comes with being unemployed. Over the holidays, I’ll continue to fight the good fight and search for work, network where it makes sense, etc., but I will (attempt to) refrain from the self-flagellation that comes from these kinds of professional, er, slumps. Good on ya if you have no idea what I am talking about…it’s a drain and it’s a grind. But everything you hear—ghosted by recruiters, lack of response, impossible-to-penetrate resume screening systems—is all true!
In any case, when I go back to work, I kinda want colleagues who will support me in a way I recently observed on the Today show. Here’s the full version of what happened if you want to take the time to watch it (about 5 minutes), but if you don’t watch, I’m gonna tell you what about the segment struck me. Don’t worry.
And here’s what I thought was pretty cool, in a very understated way. Speaks to authenticity, I think. Anyhow:
Craig, knowing that it was unlikely that Sheinelle would say anything even remotely self-promoting, makes sure that Miss Jackson (if you’re nasty) sees Sheinelle’s Rhythm Nation impersonation from Halloween 2019. (Miss Jackson watches and then tells Sheinelle that she would love for Sheinelle to come on stage with her.) Go Craig—how to advocate on Sheinelle’s behalf!
Dylan, when she sees Sheinelle going into what I’m calling “disbelief mode,” encourages Sheinelle to “just receive (the offer) for a second.” Go Dylan—remind Sheinelle to take a breath, to take it all in, and to be fully present in the moment!
Sheinelle gathers her wits (thanks to a reminder from Dylan not to get weird) and provides a masterclass in why representation matters when she speaks directly to Miss Jackson. (If representation is a concept that you “don’t get,” please watch from 0:35 to 1:40.) Go Sheinelle—own your truth!
Later in the broadcast Dylan (I think it was her anyway) kept validating Sheinelle’s response saying “way to own the moment” and Craig noted that he brought it up because he knew they couldn’t let that moment pass. Look at them enabling her to have and to enjoy that moment. Look at them sharing her joy. Go everyone—love the nurturing and support!
How amazing to have colleagues who are true allies, who offer support, who dispense “get real” advice, who offer positive reinforcement, and who look out for you‽ Who knows what goes on behind the scenes and off camera but this sweet exchange illuminates a lot about how important the right culture and the right colleagues are in my next role, whatever it is.
In other news about (very positive!) change, big shoutout to the lawmakers in DC who had the foresight to pass the Respect for Marriage act last week. Sadly the composition of the Supreme Court puts the fundamental right of same-sex and interracial marriages at risk so this move takes the “appropriateness” of these relationships out of the hands of the f-cked up SC and makes them on-the-books legal. (I deliberately use the word “appropriate” relative to how the SC seemed to be handling these issues—like a lot of the discussion and debate was becoming more moral than legal, which is completely unacceptable. Who are these judges to judge? And, news flash for Clarence Thomas, one of the biggest hypocritical chuckleheads on the bench—your wife is white!) Anyhow, despite the fact basic human rights should not make news, once again we’re celebrating sadgress (a pathetic and sad version of progress). I suspect I’m not alone in dreaming of the day when social progress as a concept is extinct because we live in a state of perpetual equality, but since that day is far on the horizon, let’s all keep marching, keep banging the drum, and let’s not get complacent in the face of small wins.
Hope you have lots of wins of all shapes and sizes to celebrate with people you love this holiday season (and always!). Life will keep changing in the background so you might as well seize the enjoyment of whatever you can while it’s there.
Thanks for being here in this moment with me. And in the words of Blues Traveler:
If it’s Hanukkah or Kwanza
Solstice, Harvest, or December 25th
Peace on Earth to everyone
And abundance to everyone you’re with
Happy, merry, peace, joy, hope, love, and all that jazz…and speaking of love, love you too.
Catch you next week, for our last get together in 2022!