As Bon Jovi sings, “It’s all same, only the names will change.”
The last week has been one big reminder that life is this weird combination of Groundhog Day plus parallel universes plus alternate realities, and we’re just careening through it all, silver balls in a giant pinball machine. We’re part of the game itself more than we’re the players, and realizing that has made me more chill, not to mention it has made my journey that much more fun.
I went to my company’s annual conference in KC last week. And it was just like any other conference…flight delays, long days, and smiling…lots of smiling. But on the other hand it was all brand new—three months into the new and fully remote job, five days at a conference with people I’ve never met. I felt like an outsider looking in the entire time, even though everyone was welcoming and I was able to hit the ground running and hold my own. It was a similar but different audience than what I was used to from my old place—the faces changed, but the rest, well, not so much.
So that made it feel kinda Groundhog Day/parallel universe-y.
When I saw people from the last place I worked, well, that was pretty f-cking awkward…and while I hold no ill-will to anyone in the rearview, the selective amnesia they shared did leave me feeling trapped in their alternate realities at times. Kind of jarring and disorienting…but only to the extent that I let it be.
In a very-much-appreciated-by-me gesture of thanks, our business was closed yesterday so we could regroup and rest after the long hours last week…a really nice touch.
So with a random Monday off, with everyone working, in the middle of August…there was only one thing to do. Get to Green Harbor Lobster Pound with mom for a lobster roll and lunch on the river before the hatches get battened down after Labor Day. I packed a cooler with our fave French Rosé, a corkscrew, some wine glasses, and a couple of waters; stopped at the ATM to load up on $20s (cash only); picked up mom; and off we went.
I’m 56. My mom is 81. We’ve known each other a long time, so you might think we have little left to talk about. But that is hardly the case. We’re both continually learning, growing, reading, observing, wondering…processing new information, events, etc. I’m acutely aware that we all possess limited but unknown quantities of lifetime, so I’m all in on most days, and yesterday was one of those days, one for the ages. It’s easy to think “same old, same old” and close your mind off to whatever possibility might exist, to go through the motions, to fail to notice small but critical details. Life is in those details—pay attention! All of that makes it that much more important for me to spend time with her, to spend time in those nuanced places, and to enjoy those unique spaces with her.
I view every experience with my mom as an adventure, appreciating that everything is constantly changing…which means that places we’ve been before provide us with completely new and unique experiences, if we allow ourselves to experience them that way. Eyes wide open, mind wide open, heart wide open…and the day takes over, filling everything with wonder.
The evolution of the parent-child relationship is one of the ultimate transformation stories. As I get older, as my mom gets older, and as the tables are turning, I’ve been on a bit of a journey…one of patience, of appreciation, and to some extent reciprocation…not in a payback way but more out of appreciation and respect. Of gratitude and thanks. I’m so grateful to be on this journey with my mom, and I work hard to soak in the moments for what they are, each one a little building block of a story that has been told since the beginning of time yet hasn’t been fully told, each one a moment to be cherished and loved.
Every tick of the clock is a building block…and while sometimes it feels like one big game of Jenga, where we feel the fragility of it all, we feel each shift and every teeter, really we’re building a foundation strong enough to support every hope and dream, not just of our own but of everyone left to come. We’re all part of the past and we’re all part of the future. And it’s always changing. It’s an important and fun charge, I think.
But at the same time, I know it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. There are over a hundred dead in the Hawaii wildfire, with over a hundred still missing. Southern Cal steeled itself against its first tropical storm in over 80 years.
Climate change is real.
A shopkeeper in CA is killed over a Pride flag hanging outside her clothing store.
Hatred is real.
A former President who is running for President (and leading in the polls) is about to turn himself in for interfering with the election he lost.
Polarization is real.
Things are always changing, but it’s not always good. Transformation harnesses the power of change to fuel growth in somebody, somewhere. But if we want to grow we have to stay open, to be engaged, and to play an active role—in both the things we do and don’t want to do. To resist the urge to think we already know because it’s not our first rodeo or because we’ve been there and done that. The names change. But almost everything else does too. Celebrate the newness of it all—it’s not a burden. It’s a gift.
We can enjoy moments big and small, and we can reverse these erosive societal trends.
Thanks for gifting me with your time (your presence is my present!) today and every week. Have a good one.
Love you too.