Everything is so blurry
I may need Dramamine to get me through
I feel like I’m 6 and my sister’s cackling as she spins that metal merry go ’round at the playground we used to go to by my grandparents’ house as if she’s trying to get the thing to lift off the ground and send me flying.
Everything is hurtling by at such a breakneck pace that I can hardly keep up; it’s as if my life is blurry and I feel dizzy. So let me just share some of the pieces and parts of my experience of late, with apologies if it’s a bit of word vomit. (In my defense, I did say I may need Dramamine.) It doesn’t help that I’m dealing with the minor life irritation caused by my vision being literally blurred too, thanks to some antibiotic ointment to treat some minor eye irritation. 🤦♀️
Given that I saw a post on social the other day referring to the COVID times as the good old days and I felt that to my core, let’s rip off the Band-Aid and get right to it…but not before I note that I loathe the format of numbered lists here on Substack (it’s not how I was taught in school (I, A, 1, a, i, etc.) but I have to organize my thoughts somehow…anyway:
Unless you live under a rock, you’re probably impacted in some way by the situation in our nation’s capital, so let’s dive headfirst into that clusterf-ck.
I’ll start specifically with the Executive Orders (EOs) which are crossing the Resolute desk faster than the chocolates moved on the conveyor bet that Lucy and Ethel were working all those years ago. As of this morning, the Cheeto has signed 60 EOs that have been published in the Federal Register. He pauses before signing each one in that big thick pen, almost as if he’s trying to remember what he’s supposed to write and how to spell it. And when he actually talks about/rationalizes these orders, that’s when it gets really “interesting.” Anyhow, the EOs that I want to talk about today fall into two categories, “We have bigger fish to fry” and “What the actual f-ck?”:
We have bigger fish to fry.
This one is a Proclamation vs. an EO but I’m including it here because it’s of the same ilk and who really knows the difference between types of presidential declarations? Immediately after he was inaugurated, he got right to it, proclaiming that the flag should be flown at full staff on Inauguration Day, regardless of other protocols and who dies when. Because that’ll really show ’em who’s boss.
Changing the name of Mount Denali back to Mount McKinley and renaming the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. Because this substantively changes, um, nothing…and wastes so much money in the process. Then the Cheeto refused to let the AP reporter into the room where it happens because their style guide has not been updated accordingly…that will really teach them a lesson. Nanny nanny boo boo.
Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, here it comes, the triumphant return of plastic straws. I mean, if this had been announced on April Fool’s Day I’d have scrolled right past it, thinking it an un-funny joke. But no. While I don’t recall any wild national dissatisfaction with paper straws (I don’t love them as a rule, I have had some good ones, and I’m not sure this requires presidential attention), I found his rationale for bringing back plastic quite entertaining.
“On occasion (paper straws) break, they explode...” Anyone ever had an exploding paper straw? I feel like such a thing would have gone viral on the TikTok, no?
“If something’s hot they don’t last very long, like a matter of minutes, sometimes a matter of seconds…” Not sure who uses straws in hot liquids, but give ’em plastic, let it melt, and then we’ll see what happens.
“And I don’t think plastic’s going to affect the shark very much as they’re eating, munching their way through the ocean.” At first I thought “does he think the plural of shark is shark?” And then I thought, “Does he know that more than shark(s) live in the ocean?” And then I thought, “Does he think it’s ok for shark(s) to eat plastic???”
The rush to take down health-related web pages and datasets. Because hiding the truth has always made it go away. Oh, wait. It hasn’t.
Getting the JFK and RFK FBI files released. I hope we at least get a Netflix docuseries out of it. (And while we’re at it, I wouldn’t mind a look-see at the Trump assassination files…)
What the actual f-ck?
I haven’t dug too deep on the numbers, as these are meant to be directional, showing scope and scale only but an estimated .002% of college athletes are transgender; of the total US population, about 1% are reported as such. Small numbers. But even so, this ““Keeping Men Out of Women’s Sports” EO was a real hot-button issue. Honest to Christ, the hatred is not even remotely disguised. The Order prohibits transgender women from competing in women’s sports, but apparently he’s happy to send transgender men to slaughter by allowing them to compete in men’s sports. If you ask me, even though I am no data scientist, .002% of anything is not a problem.
The EO “Protecting Second Amendment Rights” seems to be less about safeguarding the constitution and more about mollycoddling gun owners and the big-money gun lobby. If you ask me, rolling back gun control measures (ghost guns for everyone!) does little to support anything remotely good. When there’s a mass shooting with direct connections to this, Trump will still find a way to blame Biden or Obama. He always seems to forget about the president in between those two—himself!
He went full Acme TNT Looney Tunes explosive on DEI without seeming to care that these programs are meant to help dismantle systemic racism in certain public and professional spaces. Getting rid of DEI is one way to give people power to oppress, with blatant disregard for something that’s fundamental to the Constitution—equality. And can someone please tell him that Affirmative Action and DEI initiatives are not one and the same?
The tariffs that were and then weren’t…so we’ll try some different ones. But fret not—he won’t make us pay tariffs on U.S-produced goods. Phew. What a guy. (Definitionally aren’t tariffs only on imports or exports, not locally produced stuff?)
Enough on the EOs, and moving on to “but seriously, what the actual f-ck?” It’s not just the orders that perplex and befuddle me; it’s some other stuff too.
The whole White Lotus: Gaza fever dream. Gazaviera? I have no words.
Isn’t threatening to cut aid to Egypt and Jordan if they refuse to take in displaced Palestinians so he can build his Gaza Majal outright bullying?
His BFD of a Super Bowl attendance.
It cost a ton of money.
Any truth to the rumor that there was $2M spent on an ad inside the Super Bowl to recruit for Secret Service agents? Anyone who knows anything about business knows that retention costs way less than hiring.
Trump can hold a grudge like no other, so he was full of glee to bash TSwizzle when she got booed. Makes me question the origin of the expression “an elephant never forgets.” So nice to have a President acting so maturely.
However, the joke was on him (though it also was lost on him) that his attendance was met with an equally rousing chorus of boos. In all truth and fairness, I’m sure there were both cheers and boos for each of them. In life we all have our supporters and our detractors. To paraphrase Michelle Obama, “When they go low, he goes underground.”
I thought it was weird he brought Ivanka and not Barron.
After all that, he left early.
I really hope the Eagles refuse his offer to be honored at the White House. But I suspect that if they plan to boycott, Trump will proactively cancel what he will undoubtedly call a stupid tradition, without regard for the fact that it was one that he himself honored in the past.
Taking a cue from his boss, Pete Hegseth took the bold, strong step of changing the name of Fort Liberty back to Fort Bragg…but a different Bragg, a good one. (Wink wink.) And that, my friends, is how you take a giant sh-t on a Congressional ban on Confederate names. You find someone else with the same last name and pay them a fake tribute. Nice, Pete. Real nice. And he didn’t even try to hide it, announcing proudly, “Bragg is back.”
Trump pitched a hissy fit about an alleged unfair editing job by CBS in their 60 Minutes interview with Kamala Harris. The whole thing was released, all was aboveboard, there was no unfair or unfavorable editing, and then all was forgotten. No, “whoops,” no “sorry.” Just the selective amnesia displayed by those who believe that ignoring something makes it go away. (See 1. i. 4. above.)
Speaking of the Resolute desk…let’s talk about this not-so-entertaining tale unfolding before our very eyes, Elon Goes to Washington:
When Elon was speaking from the Oval Office his toddler seemed to be paying more attention than The Cheeto was. (And did young X tell Trump to “shut his f-cking mouth???)
I think the government runs fat and has a shit ton of waste. I can’t imagine anyone believes that every penny of federal funds is spent wisely. (Speaking of pennies, didn’t we stop minting them, because someone ordered that too?) Anyhow, I have limited data points from my professional experience, but I have made some firsthand observations about where and how governments/municipalities choose to spend and not spend. To be clear I am all for cracking down on spending, making sure we are optimizing each and every dollar, and finding ways to deliver more services, more efficiently and more effectively. That’s just good business.
Trump characterizes this waste as fraud and abuse which unfairly and inaccurately conflates things that are not necessarily the same while also providing some more (unneeded) inflammatory rhetoric for his peeps to latch on to.
Trump supporters ask why anyone remotely opposed to DOGE wouldn’t want this. They ask, “wouldn’t you want an auditor to look at your bank account and find people stealing from you?” First of all, apples and oranges…but if I were to be audited I would want it to be by an by an actual auditor who has skills and credentials as an auditor and who works within a strong system of checks and balances…like our government used to have. I do not want to be audited by some guy with an ax to grind who robs Peter to pay Paul for his ax-sharpening services.
To all the pols in DC who are happily riding this slash and burn train…if DC was so bloated before, wasn’t it your job to address it before??? Do. Your. F-cking. Job.
Anyone who responds to this DOGE stuff by talking about what Biden did is missing the mark. Trump is abusing his power. The comparison is irrelevant overall but if you insist on trying to make it, good luck. Once again, apples and oranges. A frequently used rebuttal strategy by Trumpers.
In his infamous twitch, Musk wrote “CFPB RIP.” Sure, might as well get rid of the watchdog agency that protects us, so no one is there to see us get ripped off. No red flag there at all. (While they might not spend every dollar wisely, they did save consumers substantially more than it cost to run, so it kind of feels like we’re throwing the proverbial baby out with the bath water.)
I feel like we’re losing both services/benefits AND money. How is any of this good? Hello? Anyone?
His rabid supporters are doubling down on delusion and distraction and deflection in the face of facts, which is infuriating. I’m open to all positions, and happily welcome relevant and specific facts in support of them. Can support your position? Do as Dionne Warwick advised and walk on by.
You might think if someone’s actions are under scrutiny but are completely aboveboard, they would be happy to talk about what they are doing. You would not expect them to cavalierly and unprofessionally refer to questions as a “daily proctology exam.” Can you imagine being in a meeting, not liking the line of questioning, and responding with, “working with you is like doing colonoscopy prep day after day after day.” That’d fly with the bosses, right?
How is DOGE’s work “restoring democracy”? That’s what Elon said. How is this restoring democracy? Can anyone explain?
Any truth to the rumor that Musk’s companies/interests receive $8M a day (a DAY) from his contracts with the Federal Government?
There is a great deal of complexity to everything that is going on; lots of connections and conditions that to a lay person that can go unnoticed or misunderstood. This puts us in a very dangerous position of not being aware of how the dominoes could fall, and we are at risk of unintended, ignored, unforeseen consequences. Like in discontinuing USAID. (See 1. b. ii. above.)
Strange coincidence that the DOJ ordered prosecutors to drop all the charges against Eric Adams because the investigation was getting in the way of the illegal immigrant roundup. What’s a little conspiracy, fraud, blah blah blah between key officials in a major metro? (Wonder whether any of Trump’s development activities were fast-tracked thanks to Adams’ gladhanding.)
And what’s up with all these plane crashes???
OK. Enough on D.C., but looping back to SB LIX…
I was rooting so hard for the Eagles and against the Chiefs, and it was nice to have skin in the game. My b-i-l is from Philly and both he and my sis had season tix when they lived down there. So I gotta support that,
I’ll never unsee the Patick Mahomes-Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite comparison. Now if someone could dub Uncle Rico with Kermit’s voice, the resultant clip would be epic.
I don’t want Taylor to marry Travis. I have my reasons.
The Chiefs not getting the 3-peat cemented for me that Tom Brady is the QB GOAT. But his announcing is rough—it’s not all about you,Tom. The last straw was after the Eagles won and Tom was interviewing Jalen Hurts…and was talking about his own jerseys getting stolen after he won the SB.
Bill Belichick’s babygirlfriend gives new meaning to “fame whore” and nowhere was her coattail riding more evident than in the painful DunKings commercial.
The halftime show was great, despite some of the criticism. If you didn’t get why it was great, do some research. Take the chance to educate yourself instead of digging your heels in on hate. Pretty sure the Venn Diagram of “Voted for Trump” and “Hated the Halftime Show” is a single circle.
If you missed the story about the Eagles’ superfan Declan and were wondering who the kid was with Bradley Cooper introducing the team, Google it.
Looping back to Elon. Please don’t let him buy ChatGPT and ruin that too.
Sometimes, if you can’t sleep due to headache or sinus pressure, I can’t recommend an ice pack on the noggin enough. It can help me sleep better than NyQuil, and minus the crazy dreams.
If you need another sign that all is not right with the world, Wheel of Fortune seems to be tightening up on their “correct pronunciation” rules while the folks at Jeopardy are loosening theirs. Ryan Seacrest has had to do a lot of consulting with the judges lately and the last few weeks have seen two very unfair rulings, IMO. You can look them up—one involved the word “safari” and the other “resignation.” In one case it was due to the contestant’s accent and in the other (all the key letters were there) I think the contestant simply didn’t know how to pronounce the word correctly. “I know what you mean” seems a sensible criterion for judging…except of course when it’s too vague as it was Tuesday night in Final Jeopardy when the guy answered, “Who is the Outlander lady"?”
There’s currently a flood watch in So Cal. You didn’t misread that. Hope all that water that Trump sent in isn’t what’s tipping the scales even further against Californians.
The 2026 Winter Olympics are adding “ski mountaineering.” I feel like they need to survey the general population and if people haven’t heard of it, it can’t become an Olympic sport.
Wednesday on Today they had a Morning Boost with a clip that was two years old. It left me wondering whether we’re so desperate for a boost we need to comb the Internet archives to find any old one…and wondering whether the great granny featured in it is still alive.
The other day I heard Sheryl Crow’s “All I Wanna Do” and it gave me flashbacks to the early 90s…we were drinking a beer at noon, it wasn’t a Tuesday, maybe it was a Wednesday…it was on Santa Monica Boulevard, we were having a blast, AND we were working which meant all expenses paid. Those were the days. When I look back on it, I realize that that (my second (of five)) job was the absolute best for too many reasons to list here. (Though of all my paid jobs my lifeguarding/swimming instructor job was the best ever.) That said, when I look back now, I am so grateful that I enjoyed and appreciated the moment when I had it—that short-circuits any tinges of regret that come in the face of my current professional wasteland status.
Circumstances at home lately have been such that our various strengths and weaknesses have played out in 4KHD. Bottom line is that Kerri and I make a great team, and I am so grateful for that.
Since I just hit double digits and it’s on a pleasant note, let’s call it here.
Hope you’re managing to get through life without a constant feeling of nausea. We’re in it together either way and I appreciate you being here with me. Believe it or not it helps keep me sane-ish.
Love you too.