Another not-so-random stream of consciousness. Because everything is apropos of something after all…
Nothing like waking up as I did this morning to the unmistakable “yes we had Brussels sprouts for dinner last night” whole-house smell. Even so, this dinner is worth it.
There are certain temperature ranges during certain times of the year when a 5° swing makes a huge difference…like the difference between feeling like it’s a Summer beach day or needing to dress for Winter.
Everyone knows the word “hangry” right? But am I the only one who ever gets “drungry”…drunk hungry? Those times after a night out when you get home and ravage the cabinets and “it’s so delicious”, regardless of what it is that you’re scarfing down?
Ignoring hunger might make it go away. But as a general rule, don’t ignore stuff…it will be there whether you address it or not.
Typing the word “general” just reminded me of this: the other day I was on a call with someone who wasn’t a native English speaker. He kept saying “genital,” which really threw me for a number of reasons, primarily for the sheer inappropriateness of it. About 20 minutes of barely suppressed giggles into the meeting, I figured it out. He was saying “general.” Oops.
Speaking of “oops,” as in “oops, did I lie?” When Aaron Rodgers said he was immunized, who knew that what he really meant was that upon consultation with douchebag podcast host Joe Rogan he drank Charlie Sheen’s tiger blood in lieu of an actual shot? Shame on us for not digging in deeper on this vaccination hoax.
Speaking of hoaxes, is it me or is Daylight Saving Time one of the biggest hoaxes around? Not to mention it also is a total mindf-ck.
Speaking of mindf-cks, let’s talk about voter turnout. The world is a political shitshow and elections are what drives change…but so few people will drive themselves to the polls and let their voice be heard, which is completely infuriating. Sounding off on social media is not a reasonable proxy for an actual vote for an actual candidate in an actual election.
Speaking of voting, over the last week or so I have been getting a lot of those “Facebook memories” and while it’s been sickening to realize how long the political climate has been so toxic, it is strangely gratifying to see that I have been consistent in my sociopolitical views.
The world isn’t *just* a politcal shitshow now…it’s really trickling down..what’s that they say, shit flows downhill? This week on the Today show they’ve talked about “skimpflation” and “meatflation.” And while both are really stupid words, they highlight some important realities…corners are getting cut for sure…and I am really worried about my Christmas Eve rib roast. The suggestion that I substitute chicken on the bone to save money did not sit well with me. We are not having drumettes for Christmas Eve dinner. If I have to pay an arm and a leg I’ll put a festive index cards at each plate on the table and my guests will get this news delivered on them: “please enjoy this (presumably) delicious dinner as your Christmas gift.”
Back to the subject of sports, do you think this story out of France made Tonya Harding cringe or did it make her really proud?
While I am sure that at some point the novelty of the new mattress will wear off, I’m happy to report that we’ve yet to reach that point, one week later. It’s been sheer bliss. I’m much more comfortable during those anxiety-fueled bouts of insomnia now.
Speaking of sleep, and to loop back to the end of DST, this year I was very deliberate about how I spent my extra hour. At 5:33PM Sunday I put on pajamas and committed myself fully to the couch, a blanket, and a fire. For the rest of the night, not just an hour. Call me an overachiever.
How about that story about the girl using a hand gesture that’s been going around on TikTok to get herself saved from a kidnapper? I’m not on TikTok, so if she had made the signal to me, I’d probably have just waved back. And she’d probably be dead. Is there a daily TikTok report about what’s hot? If there is, where do I get it? If there isn’t, there should be. (And you’re welcome to whoever takes off with that million-dollar idea, the daily “what’s trending on social media” report.)
The Amazon 3-books-for-the-price-of-2 promo gets me every time. I know. Amazon. I’m a part of the problem and I need to be part of the solution. But I did vote. So there’s that?
I read a piece by David Sedaris recently and he noted “I refuse to believe that everybody’s not an asshole in their brain.” “Guilty as charged,” I thought. But you know what? It’s ok. Life is about taking the good with the bad and it’s not all rainbows and unicorns. So let’s stop harping on how critical it is to be empathetic and instead focus on being “realistically empathetic,” where we process as much asshole in our brains so we can live as empathetically (and authentically) as is feasible with our hearts. (Come on, David is right…we’ve all looked at someone and thought “those fucking shoes” (or some other such thing) without considering the “why” behind whatever. We can think those things and still be good humans.)
I keep seeing this picture and story on LinkedIn, and it makes me so mad. As if Pierce Brosnan loving his wife and the mother of his five children is f-cking admirable. WTAF is wrong with people? (And why is this being discussed on LinkedIn, the “professional” network?)
Speaking of movie stars, I was (strangely) (abnormally?) excited to learn that Paul Rudd was named People’s “Sexiest Man Alive.” And this cracked me up:
Speaking of Paul Rudd, Our Idiot Brother is a great movie. Currently streaming on Netflix.
Speaking of movies, why are there ever any real guns or real bullets on any (fake) movie set, ever? (Also, Alec Baldwin seems like a total dick. Even before he suggested that there be police on movie sets. Earth to Alec, they’re busy keeping communities safe, not making sure people do their fucking jobs.)
Speaking of the big screen, let’s talk small screen. If John Waters and Kip from Napoleon Dynamite had a baby it would be Dane the Jeopardy! contestant, right?
Speaking of things audio-visual, I made the mistake of trying to listen to the whole new ABBA album when it was released last week, despite the pain I had experienced when I listened to the first single off of it when it dropped. I know I’m old AF, but I don’t want ABBA doing Muzak. When I listen to ABBA I need disco beats, not church music. When I need old-lady tunes, I have no trouble cranking up Anne Murray.
Total subject change, but does anyone have a decent storage solution for those paper basket coffee filters? I feel like there’s gotta be something better than balancing them on top of the mugs in the mug cabinet.
Ok, last one…and definitely the most important. On this Veteran’s Day I will be sure to take a quiet moment to reflect on the deep and profound gratitude I have for all those who (have) selflessly serve(d) and sacrifice(d) to preserve the freedoms of complete strangers. I proudly put out our flag this morning, I remember my favorite veteran (albeit a bit wistfully), and I will soon call my favorite living veteran (my Uncle Paul, served in Vietnam at 19) as I do every year. We’re a mess of our own making in this great nation right now, but still there are people willing to put country before self, to set ideology aside, and to put their lives on the line for people they will never know. And I will always admire and respect those who are willing to do that.
Thanks for being here. I love our time together. For real.
Happy Friday Eve, and God bless America. (And God help us too. We need it.)