One more maiku, then 2022

Spoiler alert: have more fun

Before I get into the maiku and rush 2021 to a close, let’s take some time to debrief, because it really has been…a…year.

2020 felt positively catastrophic…so was 2021 better or worse?

I think the classic non answer is the only appropriate one: it depends.

I saw a meme recently, captioned something to the effect of, “when you realize saying 2022 sounds the same as saying ‘2020, too’” and I involuntarily cringed.

The horror. The absolute f-cking horror.

And then in the next moment I asked myself whether life really is the horror show we can so easily make it out to be?

Same (non) answer: it depends.

There are pros and cons to almost everything, and life itself is no exception. COVID-imposed conditions for me range from annoying to awesome, but they’ve never been a paralyzingly negative or fearful situation. I’ve had (knock wood) my health and all the people who matter to me have too. That’s not to say that I’ve got a COVID-resistant bubble or that life’s all rainbows and unicorns, it just means that no one in my circle has been viciously slide tackled or blindsided by it, and most people I know have risk profiles and tolerances similar to my own. I’m neither super-cautious nor completely devil-may-care…I’m trying to live as fully and smartly and safely as I can, given all that we do and don’t know.

I’m still working from home. I like (love!) the routine I’ve settled into (and continue to make refinements and improvements to) and I’ve been able to carve out important time for myself, time I didn’t even know I needed when I was over-programmed for the rat race. I’m definitely calmer, more in the moment, and while my view of what is important to me has been crystallized for quite some time, those things have remained in laser focus and I have have felt the profound sense of their importance more deeply than ever before.

Quiet time: before

When I was writing the rough draft of this last night, I was sipping some fine bourbon (Blanton’s) and riding a series of holiday highs (despite the somewhat ugly intermission of watching the Pats lose to the Bills yesterday afternoon). We had the Pops extravaganza Thursday…a pretty perfect Christmas Eve roast/dinner/get together at home followed by a pretty perfect Christmas morning at my sister’s followed by a pretty perfect Christmas Day roast/dinner/get together at Kerri’s brother’s. All the good things, in rapid and happy succession.

Quiet time: after

Yesterday I got in my second walk at Great Esker Park in a week, this one with an old and dear friend visiting from the West Coast who was advised by her mom on her way out the door to meet me to stay out of trouble. Those are the best kinds of friends, the ones where the mom is still like “oh shit” when she hears her daughter’s plans are with me, almost 40 years after we first met, when “stay out of trouble” was a necessary (and often unheeded) caution.

So, as you can see, lots of good things going on.

Of course there’s the part of me where I don’t like to dwell on the past (it’s cast in cement) or be too overzealous about the future (it’s a figment of my imagination). Once the magical Christmas dust settles and I realize it’s the end of the year, it’s about making sure I’ve learned what I needed to; appreciated all of the blessings; and am prepared to do and be a little bit better to myself, to others, and to the world tomorrow, and each day afterwards. So here we are.

On to the new year.
Possibility. Promise.
Big fake starting line.

I loathe the artificial starting line that stands as the threshold of the new year. It’s so f-cking ridiculous, really, looming like some magical something or other, a place where we can make all of our dreams come true with a few simple resolutions…except we can’t. So the 48 hours of December 31 and January 1 feel like a bit of a pressure cooker, for no real or useful reason. In response I’ve designated January 1 as a gap day—I don’t have to resolve to start or stop anything, I don’t have to actually do anything, and I don’t have to feel bad about anything I did or didn’t do the year before. I mentally suspend reality and responsibility and take a day to go where the wind blows me. No wind? No problem. Move with the rhythm of the day. And then on January 2, I’ll be a bit more attuned to responsibility and progress, but will ease into things—be gentle with myself, give myself the time and space I need to do and be whatever and whoever works for me. Bottom line is the new year is filled with possibility and promise, but New Year’s Day is no more or less full than any other new day. I suggest attacking each day to the best of your ability (and know that some days your ability will be better than others) so that when the sun sets you can go to bed happy and if not happy then satisfied, or (worst case scenario) with a plan to get after it differently (better?) tomorrow.

Don’t get caught up in long time horizons in any direction and don’t be duped by fake starting lines. It makes no sense if you think about it—a starting line can’t be in the middle! So forget about it and remember that life is constant motion…until it isn’t. Enjoy the ride. Don’t put off what you want to do. Say yes to things you might be “meh” about. Call someone you haven’t talked to in a while. Make plans to see someone you talk to but haven’t seen in a while. Try harder/better tomorrow and to be gentle with yourself when you can’t be. Try to have more fun. Try to ignore the haters, try to stay above the fray, to eat good food and drink good drinks. Grab a book off The Pile and read it. Oh, and walk every chance you get. Fresh air is the best soul food I know of. It’s not about resolving. It’s about doing. And then doing again and again until it’s a habit. Or not. The old saying exists for a reason. Because actions do speak louder than resolutions.

After news of her death broke recently, I saw this great quote from Joan Didion. “I have already lost touch with a couple of people I used to be.” It felt particularly appropriate as 2021 draws to a close. If you used to be someone else or a couple of someone elses, and that someone (those someones) is an anchor on the ship of your happiness, cut the line and sail freely into 2022—lose touch with the person you no longer wish to be. Life is too short not to choose happy. That’s the great thing about the new year…it serves as a perfect and loud reminder that we can walk away from any day in our past and we can change in any day we’re given. And that’s the part of every new year that we should not ignore.

Thanks for being here…I appreciate you so much. Especially when you do things like reach out to tell me that I’m not the only one who gets annoyed when a car lets you out in traffic when there’s no need for them to, for example. The connections make such a difference.

Have a great last few days of 2021 and in 2022 try to take the moments as they come and to enjoy as many of them as you can.

Love you too.