Today I want to talk today about friendship because it’s pretty much all that is mattering to me right now. For the last 17 months, the pandemic and the accompanying feelings of isolation have crowded seemingly every headline, jammed every paragraph, and bunged up every sentence…I’ve heard and read of people who have withdrawn, who abandoned their friends or who were abandoned by them. Leading up to the Covid crisis we found ourselves increasingly polarized as a nation, and I’ve watched in sadness as these political differences have roared downhill from the national political scene, crashing into and smashing so many friendships to bits.
Being limited in who we could see—but unlimited in who we could talk to—when Covid struck posed some interesting dynamics and challenges when it came to bubble optimization and managing our lives inside them.
Along the way, I have learned some valuable friendship lessons, lessons which have been crystallizing over the last month or so. Certain events over the last four weekends have brought several different kinds of friendships to the top of my mind—I find great joy in these relationships and I feel deep appreciation for all they add to my life. The more I reflect, the more emotional/sappy/sentimental I get about them. I have some really special people in my life.
Stay open, part one.
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about a certain kind of friendship in item #2 here.
If you’ve read the details, I won’t belabor the point, but if you haven’t I’ll summarize: be open to unexpected friendships. Even with people you actively aren’t friends with. Friendships can exist in unlikely places and under unlikely circumstances. Staying open to people keeps you open to possibility…and that possibility may bring people who add more value to your life and sometimes help you see more value in yourself. And that, my friends, is what they mean when they talk about a “win-win situation.”
Stay open, part two.
My gym recently celebrated its third birthday (anniversary?), and I’ve been with them since the beginning. I joined for the workouts—they tell you what to do for 45 minutes which is way better than me telling myself what to do (trust me, left to my own devices I can manage to gain weight on the elliptical machine watching Veep re-runs). They opened the gym, in part, for community. That was good for them, but not my jam. I’m just tying to get it over with. But I’ll be honest, now I go for the workouts, but stay for the community. My gym friends are an important part of my life. I like seeing friendly faces, and I like it when they push me to succeed. I also like it when they show up after midnight at 80s night at a local bar when they saw something you posted about it on social media.
Friendship can and should bridge generational divides.
A longer while ago, way pre-COVID, I read somewhere that it’s important to have friends from all generations. In fact, here’s a recent WSJ article if the details are of interest. The topic really seems to be quite a popular one these days—so it’s probably worth listening to the message. It has been so great for me. People in different generations have different energies and perspectives. They challenge me and appreciate my perspectives (and don’t actively question my (lack of) energy). Building relationships with people in generations above and below me helps me in so many ways. It’s an over-simplification but the younger generations keep me relevant and reminded of what matters/what’s not worth getting caught up in while the older generations set an example for me, equally about what I want to aspire to and avoid. In both cases, these friendships leave me happy and at peace. So my advice to you is this: make a plan to hang out at a brewery with people who are young enough to be your kids, and go have fun...
Familyfriends are best of both worlds.
My sister and brother-in-law live a mile away and are not-quite-empty-nesters, so it’s socially perfect having people we can have any kind of fun with at a moment’s notice that close by. It’s awesome having people who will call you at 6:30 on a Saturday night, rally you to hit the North End for dinner, and then coax you to the casino for “dessert.” (Well that’s just my b-i-l. My sis and I aren’t gamblers, but Mike and Kerri do like the craps table). (And they also may or may not have dropped in on 80s night too.)
Old friends are the best.
There are some people in this life that you’re just meant to be friends with. And I got to have dinner with one of those friends on Sunday night. They’re the people who make you 100% sure that everything is alright in the world, even when everything is all wrong with it. You can go months without speaking but you can summon all the love your heart can hold in an instant and hand it all over to them without thinking twice. I’m lucky to have a couple of these ultimate friendships, people the universe has a hand in making sure I stay connected with.
Sometimes old friends and generational divides intersect.
There’s something really special when you actually develop friendships with your friend’s kids, and in the few cases where I have done that it’s a blessing that I don’t quite have the words to describe. It’s almost like the original friendship is too great to be contained to a single generation so you spread out the friendship and the love to the offspring. To be honest this one kind of caught me off guard when it first happened, and now it’s one I especially appreciate for the added dimension it gives my life. At the time I introduced him and was like “this is my friend’s son…but actually now that I say it he’s my friend too” and once I claimed it as a friendship, I embraced it, and what do you know—my life got that much better with my second-generation friendships.
In closing.
I don’t have tons of friends. I value the friendships I have and I appreciate the different kinds of friendships that I cultivate. It’s not something I’m always doing actively or consciously but over the last month I have had some heightened awareness of the importance of friendships in my life, how much better it is because of these friendships, and how much better I am because of them. There are other kinds of friends I have in my life too, but these are the types that I’m thinking about right now. Any way you categorize them, I have amazing friends in my life.
I build relationships with intent. I invest because I care. It’s that simple.
Make time for the people who matter. It makes life so much better.
Thanks for making time for being here. You matter to me. And I sincerely appreciate you.
Have a great weekend.
You are spot on about having friends from different generations. One of my best friends is 15 years older than me and she is my go-to person for life and work advice. Funny you should mention being friends with your friends' kids, I always feel a little strange about keeping in touch with them, but I guess it is OK to do so and they will definitely keep you young and teach you how to use the latest apps, like Snapchat. I especially like learning about their views, beliefs, and what is important to them because most of the time they are different than mine.
I love this whole post but especially this:"You can go months without speaking but you can summon all the love your heart can hold in an instant and hand it all over to them without thinking twice."
ps pop art of Poptart is the best