It’s Tuesday and I’m on tap to talk about transformation…so I don’t want to get ahead of myself and talk too much about what I’m reading (that’s a story for next Wednesday) but I will say that one of the books is about managing time in the sense of, I believe, managing one’s lifetime—much more, macro, er, more philosophical, than time management in a day-to-day, get-shit-done, grind-it-out kind of way. For a host of reasons that the book explains, the more time we free up the more time we have to be busy—we keep compressing everything we “must” do in an attempt to fit as much shit as we can in a box that will not expand in size, not now not ever. What’s the point of that? Why all this pressure to optimize at the exclusion of enjoyment?
The notion of time is something that’s often on my active mind and I am relatively sure it’s always on my subconscious mind. Whether it be how it’s flying by, or me attempting to make time, or me feeling pressure to take time…or me experiencing guilt about wasting time (the horror!), or strategizing about wasting it wisely (self care!), it can be a lot. Add to that that I can’t spend any time at my gym while I’m doing PT on my aging shoulder…which means lots (lots!) of walking…which means lots of walkservations, lots of thinking, some of it about the question previously posed: why all the pressure to optimize at the expense of enjoyment?
That’s a great question and the only answer I can offer is “I have no f-cking idea.” I’ll talk more about the book next week and maybe all this will make more sense. No promises. But, the book itself notwithstanding, who among us hasn’t been dazzled by the shiny promise of a guaranteed fast-pass to some desired improvement, particularly when these so-called “life hacks” are everywhere? Who actually has time to do all of what they want to do? I suspect that pretty much no one has gone undazzled by these (empty) promises, and virtually no one complains of having too much free time or having too much fun, thus explaining the popularity of these magic formulas—we all need more time than we have, and we all want more time to spend on the things we want to do vs. things we (feel like we) have to do. We’ll try anything.
Most of us know, rationally, that nothing is easy. But making time for hard things is, well, hard…and it often feels like life is one giant and unsolvable riddle. Fortunately for me I feel like I’m coming to realize that the riddle needn’t be puzzled with, if for no other reason than the riddle actually can’t be solved. That leaves me in the ongoing and never-ending cycle of learning to come to terms with things as they are…which means finding (an awkward and strange) balance between resignation (que sera sera 🤷♀️) and optimization (carpe diem!).
So today I want to talk a bit about one new thing I’m focusing on in the hope of transforming my existence for the better, in helping me optimize for fun, and that things takes the form of a cute round silver titanium wearable, the Oura ring.
We got them two weeks ago today, as both of us believed that there is important knowledge to be gained from tracking the things that the ring help tracks; for me, the real area of focus was on sleep and the role it plays in my overall wellness. Two weeks is the point where “they” say the data you start to collect is meaningful, but without going into too many details on that, here’s what I’ve learned so far:
Consistency matters. There is a lot to be said for routine (within reason). I’ve kept a pretty consistent bedtime the last two weeks (save for that party in the parking lot at the ice rink and the Kenny Chesney concert, but hey—life!), am mindful of my wind-down time, and wake up around the same time each day. I’m keeping my eye on things as I am curious whether going to bed a touch later might be better for me/whether getting fewer than 8 hours of sleep is acceptable, but need a little more data before I decide. Sometimes it’s important to stick with something for a while before you adjust. (And sometimes it isn’t—the key is in knowing the difference.)
Things you do or don’t do during the day really do impact sleep. Exercise, rest, food, booze…all of it…not just what but when. That’s another reason I’m keeping an eye on my bedtime. Anything I do after work just so happens to be “before bed.” (Bedtime is usually around 9:30 or 10), so I might be doing too much activity, eating, drinking, etc. (living!) during what might be my personal witching hour. There’s not enough pattern for me to start tracking and monitoring the role of food type, drink type, etc. in all of it—but I also know I can’t get so caught up in analyzing the data that doing so takes up all my fun time. But see, this is how it goes—in an attempt to optimize, we suck the fun out of the very thing we’re trying to optimize. Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! This is the very trap we must work hard (but not too hard) to avoid.
It’s possible to toss and turn and get angsty about being awake—“ugh…my sleep score is going to be positively terrible if you don’t go to sleep…so just fall back asleep…(breathing exercises)…Jesus Christ why aren’t you asleep yet?”—and then wake up and have the data show that you had a perfectly acceptable (and maybe even optimal (gasp!)) night’s sleep. I guess the point here is that there’s so much you don’t know about what you think you know. For me, if I wake up thinking I slept crappy but my ring data show otherwise, it’s a bit of an attitude adjustment in the positive—“oh, I am well-rested after all…better get after it!” Fortunately, I haven’t had one night where I woke up feeling great and then learned I slept crappy by the ring’s standards…I’ll report back on the mental impact of the pendulum swinging back the other way when it does. Assuming it will. But so far (knock wood) I’ve not had the experience of waking up and feeling on top of the world and then having the data knock me into the abyss.
Does the law of diminishing returns apply here? For instance, if my readiness and sleep scores are optimal, but some variables that contribute to the score are sub-optimal, does it matter? Optimal is optimal, right? More optimal is redundant, I think? Is a score of 94, characterized as “optimal” substantively better than a score of 89, also deemed “optimal”? I raise these questions because it calls to mind a broader life question that tends to creep up a lot, especially relative to the time and effort it takes to accomplish certain things: when is good enough good enough?
It might be in my head but if it is so be it, because it’s working—the placebo effect is real. While at least half of the nights since this experiment began I have gone to bed and dropped my phone on a charger in another room on the way in, there are some nights when I go to bed I can’t hit the brakes so hard—I need to do something—read, TV, doomscroll. I think that wearing my blue-light blocking glasses when doing the latter two in bed really is making a difference. I also think if I went to bed later I might be more tired and thus less interested in scrolling, meaning I wouldn’t “need” the phone in the room ever, and if I do wake up in the middle of the night wide-eyed, having no phone in the room to look at will keep me relatively less wide eyed. Right? All this aside, if I am looking at a TV or iScreen while winding down (even if I’m still on the couch), the blue blockers are on. And they seem to be helping. Sleep scores don’t lie, do they?
From a broader and what I think is a more important context, there’s a lot to be said for taking time to reflect on how you use your time relative to what makes you happy and what you want out of life. It doesn’t make you selfish. When you are clear with yourself about what you want and need, the goalposts stand firm, the targets don’t move, you keep you eyes on the prize with the eye of the tiger. In some ways, you define a meaningful measuring stick for your own progress, though in some ways that is a crappy analogy. I think measuring anything implies some judgment is present, and that judgment likely is at the root of the very pressure to always do and be more…so I’m starting to think that the more judgment the more of us can suspend, the better off we’ll all be. But I think you get what I mean here—the more clear you can be about what you value, the more deliberate you can be about enjoying those things. Live with intent.
My focus on my use of time has sharpened a bit more pointedly of late, what with all the high-profile talk and debate about “quiet quitting,” an awful name for what I believe describes something more akin to “non-negotiable work-life balance.” I’ve talked about this here before, how times have changed so drastically from when dad’s occupation defined whole families until now—when your occupation barely defines you at all, let alone in totality, and how for many people their job is a means to an end. Doesn’t mean they aren’t dedicated, committed, and loyal but rather that they aren’t perpetually subservient to their employers. So when I think about my own journey, one that has a key element of continuous self-improvement, I know for sure that I’m not trying to optimize my professional productivity—I’m trying to optimize my life experience. I’m not quitting shit—I’m working hard here, at work and at play! That clarity is important because if you’re not at peace with what you’re doing and why and how you’re doing it, the time you spend on whatever is far less meaningful than it could be. Back in the 1990s when I was going to business school part-time, I characterized my study strategy as “social maximization.” I’m still in touch with a few people from the program today and one of them always mentions (and laughs) at it today, 25 years later. I was a good student—but being a good student was a means to an end, just as being a good employee is. While I still haven’t completely cracked the code, I tell you this to illustrate (and because I like reminding myself) that I’ve always been relatively consistent about what matters to me and how I want to live. Even so, it’s easy to get pulled off course when you start to do more of what you think you “should” do and less of what you really should do. Resisting pressure and judgment is hard—believe me, mine has been very far from a straight-line journey, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So we know “they” say that ignorance is bliss and knowledge is power, and I suppose we could spend the rest of the day (and then some) debating which one is true, whether they both are, or whether neither is. All I know is that my time is shrinking in quantity (spoiler alert: it’s shrinking for all of us!) and that puts extra emphasis on quality. I sometimes wonder whether I spend too much time planning how to enjoy it rather than actually enjoying it, but I think (hope?) I’m enjoying it more and more. I feel that the more I internalize the stuff I am learning, the more confident and determined I become about living better, more fully. And I know for sure is that I am (hard though it might be to believe) waaaay more calm about things in general. The other day I discovered the garage freezer cracked open and full of slushy mess (there was a big bag of ice in there that melted and partially re-froze on top of everything else 🤦🏼♀️)…it took me 90 minutes (that I had planned to spend watching Serena play) of shop vac-ing, squeegee-ing and towel drying to get it squared away. But I got it done, and I was completely chill about it. I even have the sleep score to prove it. So that’s progress, I think.
Thanks for choosing to spend some of your precious time with me. I appreciate it, and you, so much…and I hope being here is a little bit better than working. 😂😂😂 Seriously, thanks for being here—hope you enjoyed the long weekend and the short week treats you well.
Until next week…love you too.
Now go make it sweet! (I know…country!)