Because life has been heavier than heavy of late, today I’m gonna try to keep it light.
Avocados. Is it me or is one of the easiest things you can convince yourself of is that “yes, this avocado definitely is soft enough to eat.” Nothing worse than doing that, biting into your avo toast, and worrying that you busted a chopper. And then the real lemon juice in the paper cut comes an hour or so later when all you can do is turn the kitchen into a guacamole factory because the remaining four or five in the mesh bag are suddenly *SO* soft? Right?
Switching from food to drink. This pandemic I have been buying a lot (more?) of beer from great local breweries. From the beginning, I told myself it was altruistic—“You have to support local business; they need you!” Now when I order, pay ahead, and pick it up a few days later, I’ve also convinced myself that it’s free. Such a dangerous but delicious combo. (And to anyone in the Boston area, big shout out to Windowmaker Brewing, and get over there. Ryan and the team there have been busting hump to churn out great brew after great brew, and building a business model they never could have dreamed up. Their beer is getting better and better. Hex on a Beach is top 1% legit.)
Speaking of going out to get beer, and I don’t go out much…but the other day when I did I was oh-so-quickly reminded that nothing brings out the best and worst in people like when two lanes merge in traffic. (And when you’ve had 1/4 mile’s worth of warning that your lane is ending and then zoom right up to the exact place that it does, know that I will sacrifice my car and my life for that. Not sure what that says about me.)
So I admit I watch a fair amount of HGTV. That’s what I put on when I actually don’t want to watch TV but when I do want something in the background while I ______________. And then the next thing I know, six hours have gone by and we’ve loved it, listed it, fixed it up, flipped it, and I probably should get up to pee and get some water. And do something. Anything. That notwithstanding, you want to know what I don’t get? The double vanity as a “must have.” I have no interest in either being near anyone doing any bathroom sink anything or doing any bathroom sink anything with anyone next to me. (Shudder.)
This isn’t the result of any scientific study but observationally it seems to me that a disproportionately high number of dog walkers carry on with naked faces, as if the dog is a mask? (And also if somehow averting their gaze renders them invisible.) I know many of you own dogs and wear masks so I obviously don’t mean you. On my walks it’s like 95% of dog walkers are unmasked. Anyone else observe this?
Because. Pandemic and masks. Just saw a story with a grocery store owner in Naples, FL who hangs the required “mask mandate” signs but doesn’t enforce it. He was adamant that if we insist on shutting the world down for COVID it should also be shut down for heart attacks. Please please please let me know right away if you know of anyone who died of a heart attack that they contracted from someone else. Actually, just let me know if you know anyone who contracted a heart attack from someone else. They don’t need to have died.
I know a lot of people who miss hugging, but here’s what I miss: sitting at a rando bar in a rando city drinking a local beer and eating a deliciously perfectly greazy burger. And fries.
While I think it is totally f-cking awesome that we have the first (Black)(Indian) woman VP and the first openly gay member of the Cabinet (Mayor Pete!), I also think it’s really f-cking sad that it took such an (allegedly) (so-called) advanced society this long to reach this point. And when I think about that, it makes me kind of sad. Not so much for me but for all the bigots who blocked the path for this long. Right trumps might, but Jesus getting there is a grind.
So my mom finally got an appointment for the COVID vaccine, and catch this about how she got it. FL started a preregistration system, people signed up, and then they got calls to schedule appointments. Previously vaccines were distributed through appointments made on Eventbrite and others online directly with the Publix pharmacy. Neither system was built for this, and both systems failed. But put a good process into place and check this out—movement, throughput, progress. So now not only do I no longer have to set my alarm for 5:45AM three times a week to try to beat the system and sign her up, I am firmer than ever in my belief that a solid process beats any “slick” system, any day of the week.
Speaking of the COVID vaccine, they definitely need more checks and balances to flush the dirtbags who steal vaccines or gain preferred access to them out of the system. This signup process is a good start—you put your name on a list to get in a good old-fashioned line, when it’s your turn someone calls you, and then you make an appointment—an approach that reduces room for funny business. This semi-manual but seemingly effective solution solidifies another belief of mine: the most efficient process isn’t always the best process, and the best process isn’t always efficient. Not everything is always of equal importance—sometimes good enough is really good enough. And sometimes good enough isn’t enough. Deal with that up front and save yourself a big bucket of frustration later.
I heard a great expression the other day. “Douche canoe.” That’s all.
Speaking of “douche canoe, I’ll use it in a sentence. That Morgan Wallen is a real douche canoe. When Lorne Michaels (or whoever it was at SNL) gave him a second chance and then used his non COVID compliant behavior as a punchline to draw laughs in the show, Morgan took it as a free pass. Now video has surfaced of him dropping racial slurs, and he’s (not shockingly at all) sorry again. The music industry is reacting, so in hitting him hard where it counts, maybe this time the lesson will be learned—it’s about doing good and right (for the most part, knowing we’re all fallible), not mastering the art of the “I-got-caught” apology.
A ginormous group of turkeys is called a rafter but it really should be called a gang. The other day, turkey after turkey sprinted by the window a la Roadrunner. As soon they were done, “Jet Song” from “West Side Story” spontaneously popped into my head. And stayed there all day. Rent free.
It’s been a bit cold here of late. But the other night I woke up so I hot I was sure the house was on fire. What actually was going on was that Kerri turned the overnight heat set temp up from 62 to 68. Just. Too. Hot.
Overheard the other day: “Hey, Siri.” (pause) “Hey, Siri.” (pause). “Hey, Siri.” (pause) “I think she’s broken.” Unsolicited advice: “Her name’s not Siri.” (Poor Alexa gets no respect.)
Can we move on from Trump? He’s not President, the powers that be are managing the Impeachment, Biden and Harris are settling in—can we look ahead and can we work our assess off to disengage when things don’t objectively matter and to avoid engagement unless we are 100% sure that what we’re about to do will advance the dialogue? Plus not hearing his name anymore might be what hurts him the most, if that’s what motivates you.
I will never live anywhere landlocked. Because I can’t. Not if I want to keep my heart and soul alive.
Go Tom Brady. Our Super Bowl “Party” by the numbers:
Attendees = 4
Rooting for Tom Brady = 4
Number of food/beverage items on our menu that Tom Brady has eaten or drank in the last 20 years = 0
And lastly, some days there’s no better feeling than burrowing under the weighted blanket and calling it a day. I hope that today holds a higher high point than that, for me and for you, but I also know that sometimes making it through a day is the highest high point of accomplishment in it, and that’s ok. Still, celebrate your perseverance. Be kind to yourself. Do the best you can in the moment. And don’t beat yourself up about it. Unless you deserve it.
I kid, I kid.
Kind of.
Happy Friday Eve!
There's a word for the feeling in #8: sadgressive. When progress is made but it's sad it took so long. Coined (to my knowledge) by the hosts of the podcast Hysteria. Happy Friday Eve indeed!
Oooh, love it. Now I can shrug and say "that's sadgress for you (sigh)"