Time travel. Wrong direction, wrong speed, wrong mode of transpo…wrong everything. [Insert primal scream here.]

Transformation Tuesday: Take Dramamine

Oh, my.

Where to start?

Life sure has taken a tragic and treacherous turn since I last wrote eight days ago. Anyone else remember what it was like back then, back in the good old days when a woman’s body belonged to the woman herself and not to a bunch of aging patriarchal misogynistic hypocrites? I do. And even though the natural aging process turned my uterus to dust years ago without it ever having hosted a fetus for nine months, well, still there are no words to describe exactly what I am feeling right now. Of course some everyday words serve as decent proxies, if you intensify them exponentially—anger, range, bewilderment, infuriation…sadness…fear…disbelief…anger, rage, bewilderment, infuriation.

Long story short, I am mad and sad and afraid. Mad at, well, pretty much everything that gets labeled as a “political” issue these days, mainly because we shrug and say “politics” as if somehow that excuses all the -isms and -phobias that aren’t just dividing us but rather are destroying us. But I’m specifically mad at the political shitshow that has led to this watershed moment where people get involved in private, personal, and intimate choices where they simply do not belong because they are fueled by ego. Oh, it’s murder, you say? Ok. Let’s for a second go with that. Columbine. Sandy Hook. Pulse nightclub. Las Vegas Strip. Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. Virginia Tech. Tops Friendly Market. Robb Elementary School. These events also in involve murders. Abortion is murder that we as a society cannot abide yet mass murder that results from a multitude of factors coupled with complete absolution of any responsibility when it comes to regulatory oversight that might improve the situation with regard to obtaining military-grade assault rifles for sport is perfectly fine? Fuck that. So it’s ok for someone to go shoot a 13-year-old girl hiding in her classroom but it’s not ok for the same 13-year-old girl to get an abortion when she’s raped and impregnated by her creepy drunk step-uncle? Fuck that.

I’m sad for all the women who no longer have control over their own uteruses, for all the girls who will grow up without a say about what their own bodies can and can’t do, and I’m also sad for all of the relationships that this “political” manipulation has tainted or ruined. I’m sad for all the hate that we are creating and fueling under a disgustingly distorted interpretation of what the forefathers wanted when they wrote the Constitution…in a different world in a different lifetime with a pretty singular focus of independence from Britain. Looking back, you might say the forefathers didn’t think it through, but how could they have known? If they had, maybe they’d have let George try running America from afar for a little while longer. Who knows how that might have gone—I mean remote work is all the rage now, so maybe good old George could have made it work if he had gotten one more chance.

I’m afraid for all the other rights and privileges that delivered long-overdue “equality” to unfairly marginalized populations that could be stripped away because, well, due process. I’ve heard it suggested that the court’s decision is constitutionally sound. (Not a lawyer, no idea.) Let’s for a second go with that. On what planet and under what circumstances does giving the power to choose to everyone but the person with the actual choice to make make even the smallest semblance of anything even remotely resembling sense? Why not leave it between a woman and a doctor? You want your lips plumped? Go for it. Want an abortion? Go for it. None of my business.

So yeah. I’m mad and sad and afraid, alternatingly and simultaneously and with varying degrees of intensity, but without one single anything remotely resembling acceptance of this complete and total bullshit being pulled by the laughingstock of leadership we have down in DC.

We knew it was coming. The decision was leaked. We had our pre-rage. And then the leaked decision was made formal in all it’s officially official-ness, and our pre-rage suddenly was akin to peeing in the ocean…our real rage was like the hot lava of Vesuvius decimating Pompeii. (It was Vesuvius that stopped Pompeii in time, right? I’m raging and stream of consciousness and overtired and not up for fact checking right this second. If I’m wrong, sorry, but hopefully you get the gist…this is not one of those times when historical correctness matters. It’s not final Jeopardy for fuck’s sake.) Long story short: we’re raging.

Yeah, go ahead. Ban personal choice. Ban love. Whatever. But do not blame politics or policy or the fucking Constitution. Own your hypocrisy and your misogyny and your egomaniacal control freakiness and abuse of power. At least have a set of balls big enough about what you’re doing and own it. You’re not vessels of what is right and just. You’re vessels of egomania and narcissism. When you should be impartial supporters of truth.

While I’m at it, I have a question. Is there any bigger piece of shit on the SCOTUS than Clarence Thomas? Besides the fact that he never should have been confirmed in the first place on account of being a complete fucking bully of a pig, now he has the nerve to call other cases unconstitutional as is convenient. Loving v Virginia has somehow skirted any scrutiny, probably because without it his marriage to that crazy conspiracy theorist insurrectionist wife of his would be erased. Apparently when it gets personal, that’s where he draws a line. I don’t wish ill on anyone (because, karma!) but I wouldn’t be sad if I heard that his throat was perpetually irritated by a pubic hair that washed off the inside of his soda cup and wrapped itself around a tonsil or something.

That all said, the biggest bone I have to pick is with the embarrassment of the Northeast, Susan Collins. Nothing will make me stop loving Maine but god has Susie Q really stunk the place up. Look, everything Brett Kavanaugh said was pretty much questionable. He didn’t make a case beyond a reasonable doubt so she shouldn’t have been so quick to believe him on that one (not minor) point and she shouldn’t have voted to confirm him. But she did and now the back room abortion blood is on her hands. I suggest she read Extreme Ownership and see what she’s missing as she continues to skirt accountability. Like in this case she missed some serious character-driven context clues that came back to bite her—and women across the country—in the ass.

I can’t really get started on the role social media plays in all this, but I guess I already did by saying I couldn’t. I see married gay people who support the decision. (Huh?) Or people who claim that scientifically the baby is part of the mother’s body? And how about the “you can’t make me wear a mask or get a vaccination” people who then ask “Did you say I have to keep my unwanted baby? Oh sure, if you say so.” My body, my choice. My ass. I can’t even.

And I also shouldn’t get started on actual media but I did see a story of some teen girl somewhere who got pregnant, wanted to abort, uber-Catholic parents wouldn’t let her, and now that she’s a teen mom she’s so grateful her parents made her keep the baby and she’s 100% pro-life. I want to hear her stance when she’s 25 and 30 and 50 and so on. (Any chance her Handmaiden name is Ofsamuel or Ofbrett?) It’s unfathomable and unthinkable but it’s also real, as in what in the ever-loving fuck is going on in this country???

One relatively nice story coming out of this was Dick’s Sporting Goods making a public statement about its corporate and financial support of employees who might need to travel out of state to get an abortion. What an amazing gesture, made swiftly and firmly and publicly…and without apology to employees and customers they might offend. Good for them. But is it just me or is it kind of ironic that the company who made that kind of statement in the midst of this kind of public spectacle is called “Dick’s”? Gotta take the laughs where we can get them, right?

But you know what isn’t funny? The latest seemingly ragingly hypocritical SCOTUS decision preserving the right to pray in school so long as it’s not coercion. What the fuck? Sometimes we rule based on a combination of church and constitution, but other times we don’t? How “convenient.” Stop the madness. Leave the Bible out of the law.

Anyway, I’m tired of all of it, especially the selective awareness and the selective amnesia. Butt the fuck out.

Some other life transition things have happened since we were last together and since several of them were happy I want to take a minute to mention them here and turn the tone of this post around and maybe make my heart (and yours) lighter and happier as I (we) head into my (our) day(s). First one was last Tuesday when my mom turned 80. My sis and bro-in-law flew in from MI with my nieces to surprise my mom (they did). We all went into Boston for a fantastic and delicious al fresco dinner at 75 at Liberty Wharf (one niece was missing—she’s off in Dublin taking a medical research class but the remaining lot of us had an absolute blast celebrating my mom and all her amazingness.) It was a perfect way to honor all she is to each of us.

Thursday we had a pop-up early birthday party for my sister (she’ll be away for her real bday), which started small but then ended up with the arrival of my two nephews, one girlfriend, and a friend from out of town. Nothing makes me happier than being out back with good people, good food, good tunes, and loads of happiness.

Post-party reflection: pure gratitude.

On Friday, Kerri and I flew with my mom to attended my niece’s HS grad party on Saturday. Couldn’t have asked for a nicer or happier time. The power of family. Nothing stronger, nothing greater. It was an awesome few days—she and her two besties had a shared party on one of the family’s expansive front lawns, featuring a taco truck, a pony bar, and fantastic tunes. Lots of kids, families, and smiles. Impossible not to feel good.

Showcase party decoration. The girls worked so hard on them!

Slight delay (of an hour) getting home Sunday night but I got a reminder from the Universe why it’s important to look up, to pay attention when I looked out the window by seat 18A and caught this view as the sun set:

So there was that too.

And here I am, reminded once again that life proves to be a maddening and magnificent mix of the beastly and the beautiful, of going back in time with anger and disbelief and of looking forward with hope and possibility. All I can do is hope that when it’s all rolled together and ready for consumption, it comes out less like a pile of dog shit and more like one of these cake pops.

Thanks for being here and especially for hanging in until the end because this one was an all-over-the-road rant. Had to be done. There’s no one I’d rather be on this journey with than you and I appreciate you showing up.

Have a great week.

This song (especially the FUJ goes out to every person who thinks finger pointing is a solution to anything. (Bad language alert.)

Love you too!