Full disclosure. This has been, by far, the hardest post for me to write. Usually the content for the next week starts to take some form almost immediately after I post in the current week…then the form starts to take shape semi-consciously and my writing is actually more of a fine-tuning, a focusing. But this week+, Life kind of got in the middle of that “process” and really muddled my mind. It also put me in a position where the words just didn’t come, at least not easily…but here I am…
The weekend before last when we arrived back in Boston, we were chatting with a guy by baggage claim who noted my Bucs colors (TB12 Tampa Brady Hoody) and asked why a Pats fan would wear those colors…easy, I told him, gotta root for Tom. It got me thinking about Why We’re Polarized (which I discussed in some previous work, here) and how stupid we are about fan support and how team allegiance is perceived by many as inherently divisive. It got me thinking that the last thing we need is more division in this world. When two people root for the same team, there may or may not be a natural and immediate life-altering kinship, but there will be some sense of alliance. Root for another team and—boom—instant loathing. We jump to conclusions about the “enemy”. And then we tend to dig in deeper and deeper and on that unsubstantiated hatred.
And it’s pretty fucking ridiculous.
That’s the general direction this bit started in…until things took a turn.
I’m sick of stupid petty bullshit. Life isn’t all unicorns and rainbows, and if we don’t actively remember how fragile this all is, we probably under-appreciate (waste) it. Don’t get me wrong—the last week hasn’t been without joy. I had plenty of smiles and sunshine, plenty of laughs and love (photo evidence below). But it was encapsulated in serious, heavy shit.
So anyway, two friends experienced some life trauma over the past couple of weeks. One had freak accident that resulted in a terrible injury that was thisclose to being catastrophic. The other had an unexpected death of a loved one. So I’ve been thinking about these things and people a lot and I’ve been trying to come to terms with wildly ranging emotions, with very limited success. The reminder of how fleeting this life is and how little control we have over anything beyond how we live in each moment has been flashing in my conscious and sub-conscious minds with the same obnoxious brilliance of the Las Vegas strip at 3AM…accompanied by a heavy feeling, as if the gravitational pull of the earth started taking steroids, as if concrete were poured into my synapses.
“Wait for It” from Hamilton will tell you, “Death doesn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints. It takes and it takes and it takes. And we keep living anyway. We rise and we fall and we break and we make our mistakes.” On 9/12, death didn’t discriminate…it took one of the greats, way too soon (56 years old). And if there’s a reason, I don’t think I’ll ever understand it. My heart is broken for my friend and her kids and for everyone who loved him. I can’t imagine…
In the context of inexplicable tragedy, I’ve also been thinking about how important it is to live zealously yet responsibly…with intent, purpose…to live with caution and restraint but yet without constraint. And that’s the razor’s edge in this amazingly awful and awesome thing called life, that thin line between frivolity and tragedy…the reason why we must transform on the regular, to be mindful in the moment and appreciative as much as possible...
We have to live as if we have nothing to lose because the truth of the matter is that in every moment, we have everything to lose.
Thanks for being here. Now go and live as if you have nothing to lose…because you do have everything to lose. Just don’t let that notion scare the enjoyment out of you.