First things first, from the gray of winter comes a purple sign of spring.
It’s progress and it’s transformation. Nature kind of has a good handle on those kinds of things.
So there’s that.
The pace of my existence and the content of my days took a fairly dramatic turn in September when I suddenly and unceremoniously found myself out of work. Not to belabor the point, but it’s kind of a dominant one in my life so I mention it here as a reminder, for context. Honestly, the fact that I got laid off is fine. Actually it’s good. Sometimes you need other people to make hard decisions for you. Lesson learned just the same: pay attention to the signs and when you find yourself at the end of a road, don’t muscle your way through and start high-stepping and weaving your way through the thorny overgrowth and tell yourself you’ll be back on track in no time. Heed the signs and start paving a new path with your ultimate end destination in mind andwith a clear sense of the waypoints you want to visit along the way.
Anyhow, not spending a minimum of 37.5 hours each week working changed a lot about my daily dynamic, namely giving me a minimum of 37.5 hours to spend on something(s) else. At first this presented a daunting challenge. “How am I going to fill up my free time?” I wondered to no one in particular. “I have to fill it, right?”
Of course I had to fill it. Otherwise, how would I justify anything about my life or my (non-)participation in it. What am I doing with all that time? How come no company has snatched me up yet? The answer to both of those questions is a very loud (and defiant?) “I DON’T KNOW.”
I kept feeling this strange internal conflict…because I didn’t care either. And there was something liberating about that. Despite this feeling of relief, of a certain freedom, even, I kept finding myself slumping under the weight of expectation of society, the weight of the well-meaning people in my personal universe offering support that I received as pressure.
Once I realized that I am under no obligation to do or be anything or anyone other than a good and hopefully happy person, I made peace with the fact that maybe I would or maybe I wouldn’t be able to fill my days, by far the most notable (and noticeable) change was how much headspace was freed up for me, allowing me to be that much more thoughtful about everything, giving me more time to process stuff, more room to go deep. Almost everything, even those autonomic functions like breathing, became easier.
Of course, the natural downside to these circumstances is sometimes that vacant space seems dark and empty and hollow. Everything echoes. It’s hard to get comfortable. So being cognizant of the free time as both blessing and curse enabled me to focus more on the former, less on the latter, and in general it has kept me in check and balanced over the last 6+ months. In other words, I am predominantly relaxed and happy, though not completely so…those external societal forces, even the well-meaning ones, often exert negative downward pressure, and that’s ok…reality exists and reality sometimes bites. But I do want and need a job. It’s just that right now it’s ok that I don’t have one, and believe me I know that I am fortunate to be in this position. My professional life has always been a bit of a footnote—give me challenging work that requires my unique way of thinking working for an organization with a positive culture, a manager who provides directional clarity and practical autonomy, and an opportunity to have my work make an impact, and I’m good. I don’t need to be a ____________________ or a VP or Chief _________________. I “just” need a “good” job. And I’ll find one. The frustration in the interim comes primarily from being at the mercy of people and systems that aren’t built to hire people, they are built to hire resumes—the right combination of words and titles and industries…oh my. But anyway this isn’t meant to be a rant on the modern-day hiring process, so I’ll cut myself off here and leave you with my mother’s words as a reminder to everyone: good manners are always in style.
Side note: time flies, regardless of whether you are or aren’t having fun so carpe the you-know-what out of the diem.
Anyhow, the March-April issue of Harvard Business Review (a great magazine to which I subscribe, and when it arrives here it sets my heart racing not unlike in the mid-1970s when a fresh-off-the-presses issue of Ranger Rick landed in the mailbox on Bengal Road…but I digress…) had a cover story on being busy. Interestingly (ironically?), this extra free time I continue to struggle to account for when really what I want to do is enjoy it without counting a second, gives me the time I need to focus on the compelling and though-provoking content in the magazine. I get to dig in on the articles, reflect on what I read, decide whether my experience aligns, think about how I might change as a result, etc., etc., etc. I wouldn’t have expected it (side note: expect the unexpected and you’ll never be disappointed…you might even get a big boost!), when I first sat dow to read it but the “free” time coupled with the article provided a perfect mental forum for me to think about the notion of “busyness” in general and also relative to my professional and personal experience.
Overall, I think we tend to blindly ascribe value to “busyness,” as if being busy alone somehow renders us worthy contributors to some general progress, some greater good, some cause that matters. In our work lives “having no bandwidth” is somehow seen as a badge of honor. Someone having no time to do whatever is an easy thing to accept at face value, and then that person’s busyness is in turn is held up as a proxy for good, quality output—when in fact it well may be the opposite. But digging in on how people are spending their time, questioning them to account for how they spend it, and expecting them to understand how it impacts strategic outcomes is hard, often bordering on heresy. Who wants to be part of that heavy stuff, especially when we can just shrug and say “too busy, move along” and get away with it, over and over and over and over and over and…? You get the gist.
People who are so busy well may be overworked, and that’s a huge red flag for managers, spouses, partners, friends, everyone. When anyone you know if drowning in busyness, step in and question them from a place of empathy—frame the conversation authentically, as you trying to help them lighten their load.
But realize they also may not be overworked at all and are in need of some tough love. As a rule, I’ve found that these three things separate people who seem to be pretty chill and have their time under control and those who often seem frantic, run ragged, and constantly report being so busy:
General efficiency or lack thereof
Clear priorities or lack thereof
Well-defined boundaries or lack thereof
In business, we go through the motions and rarely stop to question ourselves or our processes. Business leaders must understand what people are “so busy” doing. Are they using their time wisely? Do they have efficient and effective processes for getting things done? Are they leveraging their activity strategically to optimize outcomes? If not, we owe it to each other to work together to untangle these counterproductive knots of busyness…lest we choke the effectiveness and engagement (and satisfaction (happiness?)) out of everything.
In our personal lives, rarely do we stop and think about whether in our busyness we are delivering or deriving any value or enjoyment whatsoever—probably because if we did we’d see our life was akin to running on a hamster wheel hurtling through a black hole. We owe it to ourselves to ask and answer a basic (but complex) question: is this how I want to be spending my time?
I’m considering this all from a kind of 9 - 5, in general kind of way. I’m not thinking of it in the philosophical big-picture Mary Oliver “tell me what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” kind of way. Being out of work and being asked repeatedly (ad nauseam?) about my passion and finding joy in my work has reinforced for me that I’m not seeking any sort of utopia in my job. Honestly. It’s called work and not fun for a reason, and I’m not expecting to be paid for doing what’s fun for me. But sometimes I think we struggle with separating these big philosophical questions from the more everyday mundane ones, so we address none of them…ultimately preventing us from spending time wisely in any capacity or on any level, depriving us of both a happier process and better outcomes. That’s kind of a lose-lose existence as I see it. Two thumbs down. Zero stars. Do not recommend.
A few pieces of advice:
Build and reinforce corporate cultures that do not idolatrize busyness. Focus on efficiency and value. Don’t expect that people will or reward them for checking email on vacation. If the work requires people to put extra time in to get a job done, praise and celebrate the outcomes they were able to achieve, acknowledge the extra effort, and give them time off in return—and insist that they take it.
Focus on quality of output, not how long it took to get there. Don’t perform “bed checks” on your employees—stop assuming that people who are working late are harder or better or more committed workers than those who go home on time. You can’t evaluate anyone on number of hours worked alone, and it’s a horrible basis for comparison. If you’re a manager and you have overworked employees, you’re the one with the problem—own it and solve it.
Stop viewing busyness as a status symbol. Don’t aspire to be busy. Aspire to be happy. The former does not ensure the latter. They are not interchangeable. They may be close to mutually exclusive, in fact.
Don’t apologize for making choices based on the values that matter to you and don’t measure yourself by the judgments of others. (Unless those choices make you a selfish a$$hole, of course.)
I recently read this article and it reinforced the value of downtime…it also highlighted the sad state of affairs that we as a society are in, that it takes such a focused and concerted effort to buck convention and “just” relax and enjoy pursuits of personal value one day a week. This is who we’ve become…but if it’s not who we want to be, we need to stop. We need to say no to unreasonable demands on our time, we must break out of endless cycles of mindless activity in the name of productivity, and we need to focus on using our time wisely, treating it with reverence for what it is—the most valuable resource we have. For me it’s a strange thing, trying to relax and enjoy it while at the same time feeling the tremendous and almost-constant pressure of knowing I’m playing the back nine and night is falling fast. How do I make it count when ROI matters more than ever, but it’s no longer about the long game?
One thing is for sure, it’s not about activity or motion. The real power is in the stillness…that’s where the hard work and discipline really factor in. Busyness can be mindless…life on autopilot, masked as something important. It’s B.S. If you doubt me I suggest you time travel back to my first Wednesday post and read about the great book Stillness is the Key by Ryan Holiday.
We get, on average, four thousand weeks to spend on this great earth. Do you want to spend them being so busy that you’re not enjoying them? I do not. (I’ve written about the book Four Thousand Weeks here before—it’s a great read. The book, not my post. Check out the book…and my post.)
Anyhow, I’m aware of how you’re spending your precious minutes and now seems like a good place to stop, but first and more importantly to thank you for taking the time to read this and for sharing this time and space with me. It means the world. Have a great week.
Love you too.
Fantastic post, especially for those of us with less than a third of our four thousand weeks left. As someone whose heart thumps when I get the most recent issue of Down East, I'm flummoxed on how I got to be friends with someone as smart, well read, and accomplished as you. You might be ahead of Corbin now.