Ok, quick update on my recovery, for context. I went to the doc last Wednesday, assuming five things: 1) that everything was healing up under the splintcast, 2) that I’d get upgraded to a removable splint, 3) that I’d start rehabbing, 4) that I’d be cleared to go back to work, and 5) that I’d have rebooked my vacation for the end of March. I assumed those things because I was living in the “if all goes well” scenario…and why would I have spent two weeks of waiting for that follow-up appointment worrying that all wasn’t going to go well? As my mom would advise, “don’t borrow trouble!”
But as “they” say…never assume…
*face palm*
While I’ve long dealt with figurative loose screws, my latest x-ray showed that I’m dealing with a literal loose screw. So for four weeks (already down to three!) I’m in a hard cast, with orders not to work, not to travel, not to…do anything really. It’s kind of a bummer, but “only” (hopefully) a two-week “setback.” (🤞🏼 for my next appointment, on 3/24.)
In the meantime, I’ll cross the “that hardware’s probably have to come out sooner than 3 months” bridge when I come to it, and I’m trying not to have too much work angst…being out for a while during a pandemic has an extra-something unsettling, and truth told makes me hope they don’t think they can do just fine without me. (They can’t but…)
So there’s a bit of context for this installment. To summarize: there’s a lot I can’t do…so (spoiler alert) I’m trying to make the most of what I can do.
Ok, so here’s what I’m…
…READING
I finished the Alex Trebek memoir, and I enjoyed it for what it was—a light glimpse into the private life of a public figure. It made Alex that much more likable to me, and it was an easy read…great to pick up and put down whenever the spirit moved me. The biggest lesson for me is that people are like icebergs…as much as we think we see, there’s exponentially more mass under the surface.
I also started and finished Lady Clementine by Marie Benedict. It was a piece of historical fiction based on the life of Clementine Churchill and a nice “fluff-ish” complement to The Splendid and the Vile which I read over the summer.
I’m about 2/3 of the way through Ijeoma Oluo’s So You Want To Talk About Race. The social injustice in the world, punctuated by George Floyd’s murder at the hands of the police, made me acutely aware of my own ignorance—starting with me not understanding my white privilege in any meaningful, tangible, or explicit way. So I committed to learning more in order to understand systemic racism, to understand my place in its ugly tangle, and to learn how to drive meaningful and sustainable change in my small sphere of influence—starting with me doing the work and walking the walk. Reading this book is part of that process. Written in a clear and compelling manner, it’s been a great opportunity to learn about how and why we (all) need to talk about race. And it’s also provided some great tips on how to talk about other things too—some of the communication strategies are adaptable for more universal application. One of my friends referenced this book in a comment in response to another entry of mine, noting its broader applicability, and my experience reading it definitely echoes her sentiments. In fact, I have a great mic drop line I can’t wait to try out when I am back to work. Just to see if it works.
I’m also currently reading Say Nothing: A True Story of Murder and Memory in Northern Ireland by Patrick Radden Keefe. This is one I’ve had on my list for a while, based on a recommendation from a trusted source. It was never available from the library when I wanted it but when I was loading up my Kindle for vacation, there it was, so I jumped on it. I went through most of my life thinking I was mostly French and Lithuanian with a bit of English and Irish but recently-ish have learned that I’m actually 34% Irish (give or take), so it’s about time I learn about my ancestors and homeland. (I’m only 12% Eastern European and 9% English if you were wondering, so someone needs to get their story straight.) 😂😂😂
I’m still keeping up with my trusty dailies, The Daily Stoic (Ryan Holliday and Steven Hanselmann) and Your True Home (Thich Nhat Hanh), and they are really helping me find joy and and focus and purpose in these moments that at times can really get me down and make feel like I’m wasting time, not to mention frustrate me about the things I can’t do. These daily reminders to find some salvation in whatever the moments are have been a real lifeline in these extra-still days. I can let the moments ring empty and hollow, or I can let them echo with joyful sounds. It’s my choice, and mine alone. And there’s only one option worth picking. Even so, there are times when life forces me into annoyance, like holding for 40 minutes when I return a call to the insurance company about a short-term disability claim. Tried through I might to be in that moment by doing some breathing exercises to pass the time, it was pretty much in vain. And that’s ok…sometimes I give myself an A for effort with some bonus points for self awareness. That was one of them.
…WATCHING
Last week I mentioned (to illustrate a different point) that I had watched and enjoyed Ratched (Netflix) despite dark programming not really being in my proverbial wheelhouse. Granted there were plenty of moments where I cringed and covered my face, but the characters were interesting and the interpersonal relationships fascinating. You never know what’s motivating people or what makes them tick. Watching it was a nice reminder that there almost always is room for compassion, and our judgment is almost always better if we avoid rushing to it.
I Know This Much is True (HBO Max), and adaptation of the great Wally Lamb novel. I can’t really remember the story because I read it so long ago, but I’m guessing the miniseries did not capture all the depth and nuance of the very thick book. That said, not remembering the details of the plot line meant I had few expectations for the adaptation, which I enjoyed in and of itself primarily due to the intense and at times gut-wrenching (not to mention Golden Globe winning) performance by Mark Ruffalo as (very different) identical twins.
Temptation Island (USA). (Remember what I just said about not rushing to judgment? Ahem.) I don’t profess to find this the slightest bit interesting or well done. But my cousin’s son is one of the “singles” on the show, so I “have” to watch. Comeau family solidarity and all. He comes from a long line of reality show “stars” as two of his uncles were on dating shows back in the day, one on Studs and one on Love Connection, so this was just a matter of time.
Judas and the Black Messiah (HBO Max) is a harrowing dramatization of real events, many previously unknown to me (and it stars another Golden Globe winner, Daniel Kaluuya). It’s so disturbing to realize how the progress we’ve made to date on “eliminating” racism is “sadgress” at its “best” and we have so far to go…we shouldn’t be proud of how far we’ve come. Because the truth is we’ve hardly come far at all and it’s time to stop acting like abolishing slavery somehow also created a world of equity and equality that we should celebrate. Not even close. The movie was gripping and compelling and my book list grew by one after watching this as The Assassination of Fred Hampton: How the FBI and the Chicago Police Murdered a Black Panther by Jeffrey Haas was added to it. One larger observation I’ve made as I “do the work” I referenced earlier (of which watching this movie was a part) to educate myself to understand my role in the perpetuation of systemic racism is how dismissive some people can be about that work. They use “woke” as an insult, as if people trying to understand are somehow imposters, in it for self-serving reasons, or not to be trusted. “Getting woke” isn’t something to joke about, to make light of. People who are committed to personal growth with a greater good in mind should not be disparaged, especially by people who just don’t (want to) understand. If you’re someone who’s issuing some sweeping generalization about “woke folk”, my advice is to take a step back, do some introspection, and worry a little bit more about yourself and a lot less about others.
Real Housewives of Salt Lake City (Bravo). Just finished the 3-part reunion after a wild ride of an inaugural season. These bitches be cray! With friends like that, who needs enemies? Give me my quiet modest life of anonymity and true friendships any day of the week. But RHONY and RHOSLC? I can’t quit them. It’s fun escapist TV and it gives good text/meme material to me and (some of) my crew.
Jeopardy! (Of course.) I’m loving guest host and Executive Producer Mike Richards. He gets my vote for the next permanent host. He’s smart, engaging, social, pleasant-looking, runs the game with a good pace…and also is a “ no name,” coming with a clean slate and no baggage. He’s perfectly positioned to be the new face of America’s greatest quiz show, if you ask me.
…LISTENING TO
The Cure. If you know me well, you know how important music is to me on so many levels. It’s deeply personal…if it weren’t for shared taste in music, I’m pretty sure that one of my absolute favorite people in the universe and I never would have connected, and in a way that stands stronger than ever some almost 35 years later. Make no mistake—music matters and I think it’s one of the greatest connectors there is. Anyway, I listen to The Cure and I’m 19 again, I’m in my early 20s again. And I’m feeling every bit of the joy and the pain of the 19s and 20s of my life accompanied by the wisdom of being almost 54, and I can’t imagine being in a better place than I am right now. This listening trend was spurred by a random post on Facebook noting that the best Cure song of all time is Charlotte Sometimes. It’s a good song…but I don’t agree with that choice and I didn’t weigh in. I lurked and observed as it launched some interesting discussion. It was fun to watch (read) a lively debate that was decidedly non-political but in which people have really strong opinions (yet come out of it not hating each other). So anyway I listened to The Cure the other day and it was a pretty crazy trip of time travel. I kept trying to decide what I think the best Cure song is and I don’t know…for me my favorite might be Just Like Heaven because that gets me in so many places from so many angles, and because the associations are so visceral and happy. Lyrically, though, maybe it’s Everybody’s Jumping Someone Else’s Train? I don’t know. High is pretty good too. And I love Boys Don’t Cry. Oh, f-ck it. Instead of wasting time trying to pick a favorite I think I’ll just go and crank ‘em up.
American Cliché, by FINNEAS. Those Eilish kids have some talent. The song makes me wonder whether we’re all some sort of cliché, and if we are is it necessarily a bad thing? Nothing like rocking out and pondering heavy questions simultaneously. It’s a fun listen.
My FallFest 2019 playlist on Spotify. The first annual FallFest was a real bender and the last big one we had before Covid. We had so much fun, with a sizable gathering of friends, our “house band” playing, drinks flowing, crockpots full. My mom had an especially awesome time mingling and meeting our friends that she had heard about but had never met, friends from different places…our gym friends, Kerri’s hockey friends, work friends, trivia friends...she was in her glory! It was a great day and a good time was had by all. This weekend we were sowing some seeds of hope, talking about maybe having a FallFest 2021, fingers crossed, so I threw the playlist on to take myself back to that perfectly perfect day in the backyard filled with people and sounds that I love.
Relax Melodies (app). This is a great free app that allows you to create your own layered sounds soundtrack to help you relax or in my case, sleep. There are sounds from nature, white noise, etc. It’s fantastic. As someone who struggles with sleep in the best of times, I find it really soothing to choose a mix of sounds that take me to a quiet place in time…like that night sleeping under the stars on the Colorado River or the nights on the futon in the onsen in Japan, window open, stream running…this app has been my best medicine and I even recently tried (splurged on) the Bose Sleepbuds II…two nights of tossing and turning with those and I ended up taking advantage of the satisfaction guarantee—couldn’t return them fast enough. I really thought they were going to be a magic bullet, but my experience was (disappointingly) quite the opposite…no matter what sound I played, all I could hear was my heartbeat. So instead of sleeping I was wide awake and creeped out, willing myself (unsuccessfully) to push through the tell-tale heart. So the free app beats the (relatively) pricey Bose Sleepbuds II. By a mile.
…AND DOING, IN GENERAL
Sudoku. My aunt sent me a very thoughtful care package with spiral-bound crossword and sudoku books. The spiral-bound part is what put the “very” in “very thoughtful.” It would be hard or impossible (and definitely uncomfortable) for me to hold a regular book open and write so I appreciate her attention to detail. I’m about 30 puzzles in and I have to say, I might be a bit of a sudoku savant. (I kid, I kid.) But how is it possible that I’m just learning about sudoku now? And is it normal to talk out loud while doing it? (“Ok, so 5 can’t go here or here so it has to go here which means 3 has to go here, which means…”)
I’m walking a bit again, after a few weeks off. Not walking with the brick on my back. I miss my ruckpack, but I feel like if I fell (God forbid), the last thing I need is 20 extra pounds of force, so best to be on the safe side. The exercise makes me tired which is a great (attempted) offset to not being able to get comfortable in bed and sleeping like crap…I try to end up too tired to notice/care. Shoutout to Sherpa Sweeney for legging it out with me on the first few trips to make sure that I was steady enough and had the stamina to tackle the “distance.” I can only walk if the sidewalks are clear (duh) or if it’s not too cold. I can’t wear a glove or bundle up up top because so little goes over the cast, and my options for bottoms are limited—putting on leggings one handed is akin to wrestling with a wet bathing suit and bottoms need to be loose enough to get them on but not so loose they need a tight cinch at the waist. Another thing I didn’t appreciate before! Also worth noting, in December I realized I needed new sneakers and was also tired of having cold damp feet as a result of wearing regular “meshy” running shoes. These Women's UA HOVR™ Sonic 3 Storm Running Shoes have been a game changer—they keep my feet warm and dry and are neither bulky nor stiff. If you’re out in inclement weather, get the right shoes for it.
I started writing this from the perspective of having little to do and trying to fill my extra time (without wasting it), and I end it in a very different place, with the important two-part realization that 1) I actually have quite a bit to do and 2) that finding ways to drive growth within myself always is time well spent…so I’m going to keep on chipping away.
Happy Hump Day. Hope the week is treating you well. Thanks for being here…I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. But I can try. Thank you so much; it means the world to me.
I agree about Mike Richards. He does a great job.