Autocorrect is *so* annoying, right? Transforming words in ways that is decidedly not helpful.
“For the gazillionth time, I do not mean ‘ducking.’”
🤦🏼♀️
Like most things, autocorrect is both friend and foe. And in one recent case, it became a friend for life.
I was texting someone about some “bullshit” I was experiencing in the moment and in my frustration and haste it took about three mistypes before I caught the autocorrect gremlin at work.
However, in turning “bullshit” into “bulkshit” repeatedly, a new -shit was born and now that friend and I have a great word that we use to describe a warehouse-sized serving of bullshit and it’s an active part of my vocabulary. Feel free to co-opt it and work it into your (office) lingo.
Thanks, “shitty” Autocorrect. 😂😂😂 In this case, you saved a moment, turning it from frustration to triumph.
Anyhow, I’m coming in hot today with a few other transformation-related observations/lessons I’ve learned since the last time we spoke on a Tuesday.
On venting, part one
To vent or not to vent? That really is the question. I’m a big believer in venting under certain circumstances/for specific reasons (and for a limited duration). Like if you legit need to get something out of your system and get over it, a good vent helps. I consider that cleansing a healthy use of venting. Or if you need to feel a little solidarity in terms of a problem or an obstacle or a certain condition, to give and get a pep talk, and to talk about how to better deal with things, you might find yourslef engaged in some collaborative venting. I also consider that a healthy vent. But I read an article recently on the topic of venting (which I think they actually called “complaining”) and it helped me to identify the fine line between venting (which I view as constructive) and bitching (complaining?) (which is not constructive at all, though it may make you feel better in the moment). It also nudged me to give some thought to where I stand relative to that line—particularly when I’m in uncomfortable, unpleasant, unpalatable, frustrating (etc., etc., etc.) conditions. And now that I am aware of the fine line I have a renewed focus on finding the right balance between getting it out there to get over it and tackling things as needed to achieve better outcomes and maybe even build stronger relationships. The article suggests venting/complaining to the person you’re venting/complaining about…which I get, but if you do that then it’s actually not venting or complaining…it’s—gasp—giving someone feedback. So for me the moral of this story is there’s a time and a place for everything, and if you want to move past obstacles and achieve better results the best bet is to have honest, empathetic conversations. But every now and then, venting helps. Let’s face it. Like I said. Time and a place for everything.
On venting, part deux
In an entirely different conversation and context, I had a supporting breakthrough moment on the same topic. And when I say breakthrough I don’t mean I had a blockbuster of a revelation but more that I had a new but quite bright insight into an old challenge. As I just noted, when you want a productive outcome and you address it head on with the person in question, it’s not venting. It’s constructive conflict at worst, and well-received feedback at best. But what about when you find yourself wanting to vent because you “just” need to get it off your chest and give someone a piece of your mind…to make yourself feel better without any regard to what it will do to someone else? Take a moment before you engage to ask yourself a single question: What do I want to get out of this exchange? (Or a variant thereof, like What do I want to change as a result?) If the answer is essentially “nothing” or “to feel better,” that’s the sign not to have the conversation. It’s a simple and straightforward approach to take if you’re trying to avoid needless and unproductive conflict. If you don’t want anything specific to come of a (potentially contentious) conversation, avoid it. Otherwise you might be faced with unintended and irreversible consequences. If you do want to get something out of it, take a step back, de-personalize it, remove the emotion from it, and then have a constructive and empathetic conversation designed specifically to achieve a better outcome.
Peace. Shalom. And kumbaya.
Always moving, always trying to grow and change
Life is constant motion, flux, evolution…which makes perfect sense since we live life on a very large ball that hurtles through an even larger universe at how many miles per hour? In any case, I’ve always found inertia and gravity to be two decent scapegoats to excuse away staying in my lane, aka my rut. But now that I’ve learned another new term (thanks to Adam Grant and “Think Again” which I wrote about here), I know that constant reflection (rethinking) is critical to growth and happiness. The term “identity foreclosure” is used to describe when we conclude on our identity prematurely, limiting our choices and possibilities. Awareness is key and if you feel you’ve foreclosed on your own identity, it’s not too late—pay off the debt ASAP and get back to living the life you’re meant to live, the one you want to live. Like if you grow up thinking you’re gonna be a doctor, that you have to be a doctor, and despite questions and concerns and doubts, you still be come a doctor. And then you become an unhappy doctor (person). When you do that, it’s identity foreclosure. But it’s also not a death sentence. So climb out from under that pile of shit you’re under, take a shower, and get to it! It’s never too late.
To vent or not to vent? It may have been the question a few paragraphs ago, but it’s not the only question.
The same conundrum about whether to vent or not also exists with rationalization, though for entirely different reasons. To rationalize or not to rationalize? I’m an expert rationalizer but as I was typing about inertia and gravity and my lane/rut, it hit me hard that rationalizing isn’t universally good, that rationalizing might be the tool I’m misusing and maybe I’m heading to identity foreclosure to some degree. I think rationalizing is only good when it helps us make a decision that pushes and stretches us, and not when it gives us permission to hit the easy button and head down to Complacency Canyon. We come up with “good” reasons not to do something (even something we might reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaallllllly want to do), (needlessly) limiting ourselves—when we should be helping ourselves to grow. So while I can rationalize anything, I’m definitely going to start being more judicious in how I use this “skill,” (primarily) for good and not for evil. Rationalizing is often the making of an excuse, a fancy way of saying “I’m scared of _____________ .” anyway. Note to self: Don’t be scared. Be brave. Take chances. Make mistakes. Be active in your own “rescue.”
Last one, auditory transformation—Sir Elton John and Dua Lipa
Yep, you read that right. Sir Elton and Dua Lipa’s collab dropped on Friday and for me, it’s a hit. Sacrifice meets Rocket Man amid some sick beats. 🤣🤣🤣 Who says Friday the 13th is unlucky?
In fact, I’m listening to it right now, because the Today show is playing it. I think you should too, so here you go. Well, before I post the song let me close by saying that I hope your week is off to a good start. Mine is, because I am here with you now, and I appreciate you being here with me. Thanks, friend. Now hit “Play.” And shake it off.
See you next time!