Thursday, Thursday, Thursday…which can only mean one thing: thoughts. And lots of them. Hope you’re having a good week and are ready for the weekend. Such a complete mindf-ck that it’s the last weekend before 4th of July, but I’m so happy that it falls on a Sunday. Nothing worse than a Tuesday or Wednesday 4th of July. Amirite? At least this way we get a nice long weekend out of it without it costing us anything.
Anyway, first things first, thank you for being here. I usually say that at the end but I really should say it at the beginning. I appreciate you so much. I’ve had such fun connecting with some of you via comments and email…I’m here if you wanna chat about anything, if you have suggestions, feedback, topics you want me to tackle, whatever. Hit me up.
Back to the thinking business…and here are my thoughts:
Juneteenth. The addition of the first federal holiday since Ronnie Reagan gave MLK his (long overdue) moment in the sun is newsworthy in and of itself, but it’s also newsworthy because it formalizes something that we avoid talking about and/or misrepresent and/or ignore—how Blacks are treated in this country. I’m not going to pretend like I know much of anything on the matter let alone portray myself as an activist…though over the last 15 months or so I have been active in my own education, working hard to develop a better understanding of race-related issues and to broaden my thinking about them and the role I play in systemic racism. I better understand the natural advantages that have been conveyed on me solely because of the color of my skin, and on the flip side I understand a bit differently the fundamental disadvantages I’m faced with because of my gender. I also know that even as a (disadvantaged) woman, the color of my skin is what keeps me unnaturally and unfairly seated in a level of social hierarchy that I haven’t necessarily earned or deserve…and I’m trying to figure out what exactly to do about that, to change that dynamic. We need to move society toward becoming a true meritocracy, where success comes as a result of talent and hard work alone, with no unfair advantage conveyed by money, pre-existing power, social connection, gender, or skin color. We have a very long way to go. With the establishment of the federal holiday, we have a new celebratory waypoint, a formal market of progress on a long journey—but it is not an endpoint. There’s still a lot to be sorted out, untangled, weeded, uprooted, replanted, composted. No more excuses. Let’s make this country really about liberty and justice for all, once and for all.
Take care of yourself, seriously. So many of us don’t think twice about getting our cars meticulously maintained the moment an odometer ticks to a certain mileage, but so many of us don’t think at all when it comes to taking care of ourselves. In the last month, starting on May 25th, I’ve had a mammogram (all good), had my skin checked by the dermatologist (“perfect”), got a haircut/highlight/brow wax (also all good, Jessika is the best), had a colonoscopy (meh), and had my teeth cleaned (“beautiful”). It’s a lot of work, care and maintenance of the body, but it’s worth it. If you’ve been putting off your health stuff, please just make one appointment today and get back on track.
Speaking of my colonoscopy, this is a PSA, so if you think it’s TMI, my guess is you probably need to hear it. People don’t like to talk about colonoscopies and that’s part of the problem. I don’t like to talk about them either, but I have to. My dad isn’t here today because of colon cancer, so this one is personal. Yeah, the prep is shitty and you feel like ass for the duration (See what I did there? Come on, who doesn’t like a good colonoscopy pun?) but you get a good Propofol nap during the procedure itself…and most importantly, screening saves lives. (Bonus lesson learned on clear liquid diet day: Glacier Cherry Gatorade Zero is delicious!) As soon as I schedule my appointment I start having anxiety, not about the event itself, but about the results. Family history makes it so scary. As the day draws near, the anxiety grows…and it manifests mentally and physically. About five days before this one, I had a serial dream that my results were bad, like, really bad. So bad I couldn’t even talk about it…well I wouldn’t talk about it. I tried to fight the fear (without much success), and in the end I was overtired and crabby and angsty and then ultimately hangry in the weeks and days leading up to it on the 15th. When all was said and done I had three polyps. Two small ones and one bigger than the doctor would have liked. On Monday (after six more angsty days) I got the call that they were benign…but that I need to have another c-scope in six months. Ugh. But ok. You can have polyps without cancer but you can’t have cancer without polyps. The only way to know is to get checked, and I’m cool with the fact that my colon needs some babysitting right now—and I’ll reckon with those f-ckers at whatever interval the doc recommends. Unpleasant though it might be, it’s much less unpleasant than any alternative that I can conceive of. Remember, while we’re going about our business, unimaginable things might be happening to and growing in our bodies. We need these tests to identify and eradicate the monsters, so we can go back to going about our business.
Speaking of being angsty, I don’t think a day has gone by since I got it a year and a half ago that I haven’t absolutely loved the feeling of climbing under my weighted blanket at night. (And speaking of bed, the atomic bed-making habit—“make the bed before you go down for coffee”—is still sticking. Time for a new habit?)
Speaking of a liquid diet and being hangry, run don’t walk to Trader Joe’s and buy a bag each of Coconut Cashews and Chile & Garlic Cashews. At snack time, mix some of each together. You’re welcome.
Speaking of food, the gardens are coming along well. I’m hoping I can grow vegetables as successfully as I can grow polyps. (Ba dum bum…here all week, try the veal.)
Subject change, to Pride Month. In Weymouth a new group formed to distribute free pride flags to enable residents to show support and inclusivity around town. The goal was 500 flags and in the end they got to something like 700. It’s pretty awesome, flying our own flag and seeing them up in so many places. Even so, in the spirit of accurate thinking, it bears noting that when it comes to sexuality and gender understanding and equality, we still have a long way to go. Flying a flag raises visibility (which is great), but like establishing Juneteenth as a holiday, it’s a waypoint and not an endpoint. There’s a lot to this kind of equity and inclusion that is also tangled and ugly. I still believe that anything is better than nothing, but I also believe that anything isn’t everything. For example, the other day I was out walking and I spied in someone’s yard a small rainbow garden flag with delicate script “proclaiming” “love always wins.” Appreciate the allyship and the sentiment for sure, but it’s just not reality…not to be the Grinch of Pride Month but love doesn’t always win, and acknowledging that might go a long way to understanding and healing. We have to see the reality as it is if we want to make meaningful and sustainable progress. Small flags are a start…small steps cover long distances…and I do celebrate those…but at the same time we can’t forget that there’s more work to do.
Speaking of Pride, how about some big-time, big-league, big-boy Pride? If you haven’t guessed, I’m talking about the adorable Carl Nassib, who on Monday became the first active NFL player to publicly embrace his identity, all 6 feet 7 inches and 300+ pounds of it. Go Carl! We share a view on the importance of representation (which I talked about last week) and we also share the hope that some day coming out stories won’t need to be told. But until then Carl is putting his money where is heart is, donating $100K to the Trevor Project and its efforts to end suicide among LGBTQ youth. The NFL matched his donation and plenty of others are stepping up as well—no doubt Carl has saved a few lives this week. Go Carl! (Pretty sure this little crush I have on him isn’t going to go anywhere. 😂😂😂) If you missed his “announcement” video, it’s here.
Speaking of gay stuff, a couple of times I’ve mentioned the quirky, sensitive Netflix show Feel Good. I’ve listened to a playlist of the tunes from the show on Spotify and especially enjoyed it on a few of my walks. It gets me in a reflective zone, thinking about the show itself and more importantly the world it embodies…and it hit me that what Mae and her band of buddies do is externalize so many things that so many of us internalize. They talk freely about the unspeakable. It’s another manifestation of representation and another reminder that it matters so much. Mae is the queen of normalizing “abnormal” stuff. Go Mae!
Speaking of music, whenever a song by Christopher Cross comes on, it really levels me out. I’m not sure whether his music subconsciously connects me to a particularly level time in my life or what (though I can’t imagine that there was anything level about me or my life in the late 1970s/early 1980s)…I can’t quite figure it out but he comes on the radio and “Boom!” I’m all calm, even if I wasn’t aware I needed leveling. And while we’re on the subject, there are some songs that throw a hard u-turn at whatever mood I’m in. Like hearing Don’t Stop Believing or Wake Me Up Before You Go Go will never not lift my heart high, you know? Or hearing The Smiths will never not make me smile, even the most tragic of their songs. Does everyone experience that or just me?
Speaking of audio-visual stuff, I know some people are experiencing “Zoom fatigue” but at the same time I’ll take it, because there’s also Zoom benefit. Without the pandemic and the rise of Zoom (and Teams and the like) I never would have Zoom drinks with friends…and because of it there are some people I’m able to see more of and build different relationships with because of the pandemic and its byproducts. When old habits and ways are broken and new ones are established, a spotlight is shone on what matters most, and am still worry we’ll forget all the good in the rush to get back to normal (which really wasn’t that great…think about it…there was a lot of complaining before COVID.) On the work side of things I should probably count to 10 after a Teams meeting before muttering anything under my breath. To be on the safe side.
Speaking of the pandemic, I’m still working from home which means I get to make ridiculously oversized salads for lunch and eat them out of a ridiculously oversized bowl. I’ll miss that when I go back into the office. I don’t think loading up a marine-sized cooler with my supplies and lugging it to my desk as a portable salad bar is really going to work for me. Or anyone really.
Speaking of working from home, my desk here looks out on the street. Wednesday is our trash and recycle day and I find it (strangely) satisfying when the trucks come and empty our bins. I’m also amazed at how fast those trucks are able to pull up, line up the clamp, and pick up/empty/drop the barrel before moving on to the next house. It really is the little things.
While we’re on the working from home subject, let’s talk driveway etiquette. Whether you’re visiting or working for a service company or something else, don’t park in the middle of the driveway. Middle from the side or middle end to end. So annoying getting home from an errand and finding that Mosquito Joe couldn’t pick a lane. Equally annoying is pulling up to a house with a four-car driveway and needing to park on the street because the driveway is full of the one car smack dab in the middle of it. Be sensible. Optimize. Pick a lane. Pull up to the end. Duh.
Speaking of work, let’s talk about what “ASAP” means when I say it. The other day I was asked when I wanted something by. I said “it’s a high priority…so as soon as possible once we sort out exactly what we want to do” and then promptly got a lecture about me needing to understand there are hurdles and obstacles so I might not get it ASAP even though it’s what I want. Dude, I want it as soon as possible—just tell me how soon it’s possible and we’ll go from there. I get that there are obstacles and hurdles…just don’t dick around and dilly dally. I didn’t say I wanted it yesterday…I’m saying “don’t waste time.” Oy. (Plus, it’s a work thing so technically *I* don’t even want it anyway.)
Lane change…moving over to Ancestry.com. I have absolutely no basis for concern, but my blood goes cold every time I get an email telling me I have a new DNA match.
Speaking of relatives, I was out walking last week and passed my nephew…he is recently graduated from college and was walking to a packed car, about to get in it to drive off to a new job in a new city. We hugged (tight), I wished him well, we exchanged an “I love you,” and went our separate ways. As I walked I kept thinking about what an exciting time it is for him and how I can’t wait to see what his future holds…I was all excitement and adrenaline and auntpride. Then about a half mile later I passed his elementary school, where field day or some other end-of-the-school-year festivity was going on. And instantaneously and jarringly, 15 years went back and forth in rapid fire and there I was with mental whiplash and motion sickness from the time travel…and my pure happiness definitely became more of a wistful sadhappy, temporarily. Now that I’ve worked it through it’s more of a happysad. The happy for him is dominant, but the general sadness at life hurtling by kind of lingers.
Speaking of family, Father’s Day without a living dad is such a bummer. But this year, the next day was my mom’s birthday, and we love having the longest day of the year to celebrate her. Having back-to-back days reflecting on life with and celebrating two of the most awesome people ever has re-re-re-re-(infinity)-reminded me how fortunate I am to have the family I do.
Thanks again for being here. You’re awesome. Happy Friday Eve. Hope you have a great weekend. See you next week, on Friday.
Thanks for the early morning insights, laughs and just "good stuff!" I could read your writing all day long:) Let's do a zoom happy hour soon. I have a really good Christopher Cross story for you. He's been coming on a lot in the car and bringing me back to my younger days! xoxo Susan